He’s usually a riot when it’s not his birthday. Maybe he has something against party hats?

Watching Takers with the girls last night sparked a new found interest in Paul Walker. YOWZA. I love a man in a suit, whether it be business or birthday ;)

More photos of Paul Walker suited up in GQ here.

Update: I just watched Paul Walker in Running Scared, and apparently I also love a man in a plaid button down with a gun in his hand. He is GANGSTA in this movie! And now he has officially taken up permanent residence in my Freebie Five.

KNGDM – Heartache

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Let me remind you that we just keepin’ it movement
And you should do the same and just keep it moving

Download “The Goodbye Mixtape” here for free!

Happy hour at Analog downtown with Chel, Shi and Christine last night. Lobster corn dogs. Grilled gruyere, mozzarella & truffle cheese sandwich with a side of honeycomb made by real bees (lolol Chel). Twinkie tiramisu and pot brownie for dessert. Owned Christine (and our waiter!) in Street Fighter 2. Ran into Adam Brody from The OC because his brother was throwing a charity event there. NBD ;) Love the interior design and old school vibe in this place. Will def be coming back for more!

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else. And for everything you gain, you lose something else.

Shotgun trip to Vegas this past weekend. We ate at Studio B inside the M Resort. Twice. We watched the JBWKZ do chest pops. We floated down a lazy river. We managed to escape running into all the people from SD who were also in town for the weekend. It was more like a relaxing vacation than the usual trip to Vegas. No high heels. No clubs. No hangover. What has my life come to?

(image via plastic-sfoonss)

Meaghan Smith – Here Comes Your Man

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

I just won a signed copy of Meaghan Smith’s latest record, The Cricket’s Orchestra! I’ve been of fan of hers ever since she covered the Pixies’ Here Comes Your Man on the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack. She picked three random winners from her email subscription list, and I was one of them! I didn’t even know she was having a contest! I’ve never won anything in my life… What a great way to kick off my weekend :)

Vegas tomorrow!

So it’s no secret that I want the shrimp at Crab Hut to have my babies. Pammie comes down every weekend, and every weekend we go to Crab Hut. We always order two pounds of boiled shrimp with full house/medium sauce and rotate the appetizers (clearly, we’re creatures of habit). Lately, we’ve been ordering fried calamari and sweet potato fries. And then we get boba next door at Tapioca Express afterward, because we’re Asian and we like stereotypes. I’m pretty sure that no one frequents Crab Hut more than we do, so my title as mayor is secure unless Pammie starts sneaking trips without me (I wouldn’t put it past her).

Last night, I had dinner plans with Trace at Crab Hut. I invited Jay just so he could peel our shrimp for us! Jay invited the newlyweds, Alana and Jed, and Trace brought her boyfriend, Gary. If I knew this was going to be a couples thing, I wouldn’t have brought Jay! Haha. Just kidding. Like I would’ve peeled my own shrimp!

ha•lo-ha•lo [from the Tagalog word halò, "mix"] – noun. A popular Filipino dessert that is a mixture of shaved ice and milk to which are added various sweet beans, fruits and ice cream, and served cold in a tall glass or bowl.

Chel: Mayan, can you think of a song I could use in this video?
Mayan: Mmmm, I’d have to check my library.
Pammie: Bruno Mars…
Mayan: And that is why Chel didn’t ask you for song suggestions.

Chel made this awesome video montage of our family camping trip this past weekend. And if you’re thinking, “Why would I want to watch a video montage of someone else’s family camping trip?” then might I add that there’s footage of me using a shake weight if that helps sway your decision at all. Just sayin’.

My mom remembered to bring my grandma’s birthday cake but left it melting in the car and forgot the candles, brought halo-halo toppings without realizing they were expired, and offered us pancakes, but didn’t have any syrup. I mean… this is my future, ya’ll. I am so my mother’s daughter.

All things considered, I had a memorable weekend camping with my Cuevas fam ♥

I went to TNT at the Museum of Contemporary Art downtown last night. After work, I took the trolley from Old Town and got ogled by three different men at three different stops on the 9-minute ride. Public transportation is for the pervs! Chel, Christine, Anthony and I had a light dinner at St. Tropez. While the food was just okay and the hip hop music distracted from the French ambiance, we did, however, enjoy how our seats vibrated every fifteen minutes from the passing trolley buses—Yes, even Anthony enjoyed it. And yes, it’s been entirely too long since I’ve had a man.

We hit up MCASD afterward, and some of the artwork was just beyond me, but I did enjoy this one piece by Vhils made of sculpted brick wall with plaster and paint:

I also enjoyed the Stone IPA, the 9 o’clock Mexican and seeing three of our collective ex’s. Yeah, that wasn’t awkward.

Several street artists, including Shepard Fairey and Banksy, did public commissions around downtown, so def check them out if you’re in the area.

Love this show!

Extraordinary Desserts with my faves, talking about each other’s backups and back ends. I’ve already said too much.

The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

I saw an old friend today. Even though our lives are so different now, it was like nothing had changed… him in his Obey shirt, me in my Reefs. Seeing him makes me miss him.

Shi wanted to have dinner at Pho Cali tonight to ease her sore throat. It seems like everyone has been getting sick lately!

We met up with Jay, Leah, Charlene and Sha at Babycakes for dessert. As former ASB president, Leah’s been trying to get me to go to our ten year reunion this weekend. But I left high school where I left my crush on Jordan Catalano—in the 90s where it belongs. Why get all dolled up to make small talk with old classmates at the Marriott when I can sit at home in my chones and read their Facebook statuses on my news feed instead?

(I’m kidding. I totally block their status updates.)

P.S. If you don’t know who Jordan Catalano is, then you are too young and I am too old.

I’ve made cupcakes for a few of Kristin’s parties, so she asked me to make a Hello Kitty cake for her niece’s birthday. I can make cupcakes in my sleep, but I’ve never actually baked and decorated an entire cake before. I decided to make a practice cake first, just in case I was in over my head.

Isn’t this a pretty kitty? (That’s what she said.) Too bad this cake won’t stay fresh till next weekend! I’ll have to make another one on Friday, and now I’m left with a Hello Kitty cake that I’m not going to eat… How weird would it be if I showed up at my uncle’s retirement party with this thing?

Lit – Miserable

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable

I heard this song on the way to the gym this morning, and it reminded me of high school. I’m not sure what’s more shocking—that this song came out over ten years ago, or that I went to the gym this morning?

Don’t answer that.

(image via Celebitchy)

Anthony suggested that we all meet up for weekly happy hours till the end of summer (he also suggested that we play glow-in-the-dark bingo, but that’s a story for another time). Chel, Shi and I had our first happy hour at El Camino in South Park tonight (while Antho was out of town, of course). Sangria always tastes better when it’s served in a glass boot!

El Camino’s Happy Hour details:

• Monday-Friday 5-7pm
• Free chips and salsa
• 1/2 off quesadillas and nachos
• $3 Coronas, margaritas, and sangria
• $15 sangria pitchers
• $20 margarita pitchers

Thanks for treating us out, Chel ♥

Pammie and I were given free tickets to Comic-Con on Sunday. I knew I was out of place when I looked up at the big screen and thought out loud, "What movie is this?" and some dude looked at me like I was crazy and said, "It’s Return of the Jedi!" I’m pretty sure I was the only one within a 10-mile radius who hadn’t seen a single Star Wars movie.

While I was at the Iron Man booth, Pammie ran up to me and said, "Guess who’s here?!?!?" And I was like, "Robert Downey Jr?!?" And she was like, "Kevin from the Jabbawockeez!" I mean…!

As we waited in line for the panels, the girl with the Fringe tote in front of us said, "Too bad you guys got the sucky Vampire Diaries themed tote bags!" Um. We totally traded a small child and an old man our original Batman bags for these “sucky” Vampire Diaries bags! LOL.

We missed the Glee panel, but we were able to get into Sons of Anarchy. OH. MY. JAX. He is officially in my Freebie Five!

Jay has a tendency to turn his birthday into a month-long extravaganza, but this year he only subjected us to two outings (shocking!). The girls and I are notorious for disappearing during his birthday celebrations every year, and he’ll never let us forget the time we left in the middle of his party for frozen yogurt at Yogotango. Or dinner at Friday’s. Or dinner at The Spot. This year was no different.

This Irish Angel (chocolate cake layered with Bailey’s creme brulee) was totally worth the shit Jay’s going to give us for leaving The Office again this year when he sees the pictures we took of us eating at Heaven Sent Desserts on his camera ;)

Chel taught me, Shi and Pammie how to make our own sushi yesterday!

Check out my inside out crab and cucumber sushi roll topped with shrimp, unagi sauce, spicy mayo, toasted panko crumbs and masago:

You’ve changed my life, darlin’. I can’t wait for more cooking lessons!

Things I love about Jay:

• He was the first boy who asked me to a high school dance via AOL circa 1998 (there are so many things wrong with this sentence).
• He dresses up as a girl every Halloween.
• He’s more proud than embarrassed about the night that he sharted in public.
• He knows all the lyrics to Debarge’s “Rhythm of the Night.”
• Even though I’m horrible at returning his phone calls, he still considers me one of his dearest friends and treats me like one, too.

Happy birthday, love. See you tonight for your aptly titled “Dirty, Flirty, Hurt Me 30″ party!

Jay’s bacon chocolate birthday cake at The Riviera Supper Club!

(App: Hipstamatic / Lens: Kaimal Mark II / Film: Ina’s 1969)

(image via ohfuckyeahjosephgordon-levitt)

New hand-stamped bracelets have been added to my Etsy shop: mayanrocks.etsy.com

If Bejeweled Blitz games last only one minute, where did the last 3 hours of my life go?

While vacationing in NYC five years ago, I managed to get myself and Pammie lost in the city. We got off the train when I realized we were going the wrong way and found ourselves alone with Milo Ventimiglia at an otherwise empty subway stop. Seeing him in person was like hearing the Beatles for the first time, and I was rendered speechless. I got on the subway without asking him to father my children, and it has been my #3 regret in life ever since (don’t ask me what the first two are—I’m taking them to my grave!).

I loved taking the subway everywhere, and I die a little each minute I’m sitting in traffic at home in California. In memory of my trip, I’ve made some NYC-inspired magnets, complete with my old maps that got us lost in the city. Hopefully they will be of more use to you on your fridge than they were for me in New York! Buy them here: mayanrocks.etsy.com

Thanks to the lovely Chel for photographing everything in my shop!

We all played a round of Catch Phrase at Anthony’s before the movie last night. When it was my sister’s fiance’s turn, the clue that he gave us was, “This is what I am.” He’s a big guy, so people were like, ummm… ummm… and I turned to Anthony and was like, “OMG. Nobody wants to say it!” and Anthony blurts out, “One of a kind!” LOL.

It reminded me of this hilarious South Park episode, With Apologies to Jesse Jackson:

Pat Sajak: The category is People Who Annoy You.
Randy: Uh… Well, uh…
Pat Sajak: Ten seconds, Mr. Marsh.
Randy: I know it but I don’t think I should say it.
Pat Sajak: Five seconds, Mr. Marsh.
Randy: Oh all right uh, I’d like to solve the puzzle! Niggers!
Stan: Oooo.
Randy: Oh naggers. Of course, naggers. Right.
Pat Sajak: Uhh, can we cut to a… Can we cut to a…

Inception was AMAZING. It’s def the best movie I’ve seen so far in 2010. Granted, the list of movies I’ve seen this year include Eclipse and Dear John, but don’t let that cheapen its awesomeness (or your view of me as a person). Go watch it!

Whenever there’s a potluck, I usually bake cupcakes, but it’s not something I enjoy eating all that much. Anthony invited us over for a potluck dinner tonight, so I thought I’d go a different route and make something I’d actually eat. I’m no cook by any stretch of the imagination, but bacon-wrapped jalapeño cream cheese poppers seemed simple enough.

I’ve eaten jalapeños on nachos, burgers, sushi… but I’ve never handled a raw jalapeño before, let alone thirty of them. And now I’ve got jalapeño burn! I didn’t even know that existed until I googled, “how do I get my hands to stop burning after handling jalapenos?” The pain caused from de-seeding the jalapeños with my bare hands feels something akin to shoving bamboo splinters under my finger nails. Ouch!

I should stick to baking.

Brandon Boyd – Courage and Control

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

It’s time to let your hair down
And give yourself permission
It takes courage and control
But you start by letting go

I probably shouldn’t rely on my FortuneBall app to make any life-altering decisions.

Pammie and I stayed home the entire weekend and watched a Vampire Diaries marathon. It was glorious.

(This is why I’m single.)

Seven of my friends and I sat in the theater waiting for the movie to start last weekend, and all seven of them were playing with their iPhones. The only thing I could do on my non-iPhone was check the time. Boo whore. I said what I always say when this happens (which is every time we go out), “My Verizon contract isn’t up till July, you bitches.” Except this time, it WAS July. I mean, where did my life go??? Anyway, I visited the AT&T store the next day and snagged their last iPhone 4G. Yay!

Here’s my first photo taken with my iPhone…
App: Hipstamatic / Lens: John S. / Film: Kodot Verichrome

Chel, Shi, Flex and I ate dessert waffles topped with Nutella, taro ice cream, strawberries and whipped cream at Crepe World tonight. We sat there for an hour or so playing with our iPhones before realizing that we could be doing the same thing at home in our chones. So now I’m blogging this from my iPhone at home. And yes… I’m in my chones.

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn’t all you thought it was. Someone walked into your life, you fell in love, or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe it was a brief moment of insanity.

The BFF told me about Il Postino’s new girlfriend today, and I felt nothing. It’s funny how I always used to find myself running back to him, for some reason, thinking it would work out differently the second third fourth fifth time. And now, I can’t think of a single reason why I’d ever want him back.

Prints of this illustration I designed are now available in my Etsy shop for $10! They are 11″ x 17″ and professionally printed by digital press on 100 lb. paper gloss.

Two trips to the fair last week left me with fierce tan lines and an even fiercer waistline. I’m sure my special relationship with bacon last month didn’t help, either. Today’s a new day, though. I don’t have a particular goal in mind… No upcoming wedding to lose three dress sizes for. No birthday party for another ex-boyfriend… A belated attempt to wear a bathing suit in public, perhaps? (I wear my chones around anyone who will let me—is that not the same thing?) I suppose I have to do it for myself this time. Here goes nothing…

I mean… is this kid 18 yet? I need to know this information before I comment on his V-line.

This evening left me all kinds of satisfied:

• Good food: Japanese tapas at Yakitori Yakyudori (bacon wrapped asparagus!!!) followed by dessert at Babycakes
• Good company: Pammie, Chel, Shi, Anthony, Christine and Cynthia
• Good movie: Eclipse, baby! Don’t judge us.

(image via Run Into Flowers)

They say that bad things happen in threes, and this week was no exception:

1. My aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer.
2. My mom’s coworker and her mom were the women killed in the Lakeside homicides I saw on the news last week.
3. Two more of my friends are pregnant.

Okay so maybe that last one isn’t a bad thing per se. I’m happy for them both… along with my five other friends who also reproduced this year. Really.

My favorite part of the night was when Antho won the super slide race that no one else was participating in.

(image via Let’sExplode)

OneRepublic – Say (All I Need)

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong
But nothing’s turned out how you want it

OneRepublic + the fair with my faves after work. Is it 5:30 yet???

I’m both disgusted and amazed at the amount of food that Jay, Pammie, Christine, Shi, Ella, Sha and I collectively inhaled at the fair today:

• BBQ Tri Tip Sandwich
• BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich
• Applewood Bacon Cheeseburger
• Pizza Bread
• Sausage Sandwich
• Deep Fried Cheese Curds
• Caramel Apple Tower
• Strawberry Tower
• Mini Donuts
• Baklava
• Bavarian Funnel Cake
• Deep Fried Pop Tart
• Deep Fried Klondike Bar
• Deep Fried Oreos
• Zucchini Curls
• Chicken kabob
• Chocolate/Vanilla Swirl Cone

I’m not gonna lie… I kind of want to throw up a little.

(Round 2 on Friday?)

A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run. Sit still and ignore him and he’ll come purring at your feet.

If I haven’t returned any of your messages in months, what made you think I’d appreciate the 1am phone call?

How have I not heard about this movie till now? Considering Joseph Gordon Levitt and Leo DiCaprio were both (at one time or another) in my Freebie Five, my vagina could not be more excited.

It’s officially summer, and for the 28th year in a row, I’m not ready for all this sunlight. Thankfully, I’ve moved out of my non air-conditioned apartment that I nearly melted in last year, so I won’t have any sudden urges to punch a baby in this heat. Being healthy isn’t enough motivation to lose weight for me. I entered a biggest loser competition at work a couple years ago, lost twenty pounds, and won by less than a tenth of a pound (suck it, Calvin!). And I did it all for just bragging rights and a celebratory croissant. I used to play Bejeweled Blitz religiously on Facebook just because whenever I’d beat someone’s score, it sent them a notification saying, “Booyah! Mayan fucking beat you, bitch.” Okay maybe it didn’t say fucking. Or bitch. Or booyah… but it still notified them, okay? Get off me. I would really like to get fit, so I need someone to compete with. And not someone like Jay who works out once a week while I’m pulling two-a-days… It can’t be that easy. But I want to start after I go to the fair this Sunday. And next Friday. And possibly next Saturday… Let’s just be safe and start this thing when the fair ends after the 4th of July.

I officially became a soccer fan at 2:12.

Drake (feat. Jhene) – July

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

They always say the hottest love has the coldest end

Congrats to the Del Rosarios! By the end of the night, my feet were killing me, my false eyelashes had gone rogue, and my hair had grown ten times bigger, but it was seriously the best wedding ever, and I was honored to be a part of it. Love you both ♥

While I was breaking off Jay on the dance floor, Anthony cut in and they started dancing with each other. True story.

I’ve got such a boner for beards.

Pajiba.com came out with a random list of the Five Most Impressive Beards in Hollywood. Ryan Reynolds rightfully snagged #5, while the #1 beard went to Katie Holmes LOL.

Chel’s stepmom threw her a bridal shower this weekend. It wasn’t half as crazy as the bachelorette party, but my aunts still dropped it low with bananas tied around their waists (is it just my dirty family, or do most of the games at your family parties involve bananas, too?). The highlight of my evening was when Chel’s baby brother found a leftover stripper dollar tucked in between the couch cushions.

Pammie, Shi and I gave Chel this Nixon watch she has been lusting after for years. I’m not sure why she was so surprised that I kept that email where she told us about it… I still have handwritten letters dating back to sixth grade. I also have 19 saved voice messages that I have to go through every time I get a new voice message on my cell phone. And my inbox is full of saved text messages, so I have to delete a text every time I get a new one. I’m the worst offender when it comes to hoarding things with sentimental value. And if you can’t understand why I can’t bring myself to delete my friend’s text message informing me of Michael Jackson’s death last year, then you are dead to me—I’m talking to you, Shirley May!

Last night, I drank some bubbly and spent hours getting laid.

Okay so maybe that bubbly was a sparkling strawberry lemonade from Sonic. And those hours spent getting laid were really spent making a lei for Chubby’s 8th grade promotion.

My Friday night could not have been less sexy.

The San Diego County Del Mar Fair opens today! I look forward to it every year. Where else can you watch the pig races (my fave), stock up on Quick-n-Brite, see a freakishly large horse, and eat deep fried Twinkies all at the same place? Is it weird that my heart started to race when I saw the new fair food map?

Yowza.

You guys are so obsessed with sports, you wear jerseys for teams you’re not even on. But you think you’re on the team, you’ll be like, “Yeah, last night we just didn’t score enough. We just didn’t play enough defense.” We? The Lakers don’t need you. That’s like me watching Grey’s Anatomy in scrubs, but then after the show is over, being like, “Man, we just could not save that guy.”

That being said, I really thought that we were going to win regionals tonight. I knew I should’ve worn my sequin dress during the season finale of Glee.

Glee Cast – To Sir, With Love

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

I woke up today smelling like baby lotion and Caress body wash with leftover dollar bills in my bra and a sudden urge to go to church—or as I like to call it, “just another Sunday morning.” Here are some of the awesome things that happened at Chel’s bachelorette party last night in no particular order (other than most to least favorite):

1. Firefighter Tom from Alpine poured tequila down my shirt and did a body shot off my chest (among other things). Let it be known that I’m officially on the prowl for an east county white boy.
2. There was no shortage of penis-shaped food.
3. Preggo bartender Georja kept pumping out those test tube shots!
4. It was an 80s themed party and EVERYONE dressed up. Christine was my fave and looked just like my mom did in the 80s with her acid wash jean jacket and hairsprayed bangs.
5. The porno playing on TV throughout the whole night made it into the background of most of my photos.
6. I spent over $150 at the passion party. I don’t even spend that much on groceries! At least some of the products I bought were edible.

A lot of other things happened that I can’t mention—which is saying a lot considering I told you about that stripper licking tequila off my chest.

Here’s a PG-13 recap of the raddest bachelorette party ever:

By the end of this month, I will have attended three baby showers and two weddings this year—none of which are my own. But I’m not bitter. Maybe a little tired of explaining to my grandma why I’m not married with children, but not bitter.

Making diaper cakes is not nearly as fun as making babies.

(Somewhere right now, my grandma is crying.)

I wasted an hour of my life looking for leg warmers at Parkway Plaza after work today. Are they hard to find because it’s summer or because it’s not 1983??? They’re essential to my outfit for Chel’s highly anticipated 80s/bachelorette/passion party this weekend, and I must have them! Preferably in purple!

The hideousness of this dance will haunt my dreams forever.

Can we go on record and say this is the last picture we’ll be taking at a Salinas fiesta?

Every year, the town my mom is from in the Philippines hosts this fiesta in San Diego. And every year, I look forward to one thing… nachos. It used to be seeing my relatives, but lately we’re the only offspring who show up to this shindig since all of our cousins are too busy reproducing. So as I got ready this morning, the only thing keeping me from staying home were those nachos.

Pammie and I met up with Chel, and I noticed she was eating an empanada. She loves nachos even more than I do (if that’s possible), so I asked her if she had already eaten nachos before we got there, and she tells me they ran out! WTF. We only stayed there long enough to say hello to our aunts and take this one last picture. Boo whore.

Congrats to the Naveas! The table I was assigned to was the last to be served dinner, but the closest to the open bar (clearly the best table).

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.

This is my third post this week that has food as its focal point. Should I consider it a warning sign that someone randomly messaged me yesterday and asked where he should buy his girlfriend’s birthday cake at??? Do I look like I’ve eaten a lot of birthday cake or something? Because sadly, I have. And if you’re wondering what I suggested, I told him that European Cake Gallery in Point Loma is the place to go! Their White Bavarian cake with fresh strawberries, whipped cream and white chocolate shavings is the best I’ve ever had. And I’ve had a lot.

Anyway, Pizza Port just opened a location in Ocean Beach, and I’m excited because it’s closer than the ones in North County, and it’s near Trace’s house so I’ll have an excuse to see her more often. She couldn’t make it tonight, but Chris, Jay and Liz were able to go.

In preparation for the damage I was going to do at Pizza Port, I got my Slim Fast on at work (I didn’t lunge and squat to an entire Ke$ha song after an hour of kickboxing last night for nothing). Yes, that’s Robert Pattinson on my desktop. And yes, I know that my desktop is littered with an embarrassing number of icons. Get off me.

It probably wasn’t the best idea to have a beer when all I’d had was Slim Fast the whole day. I already felt buzzed by the time our food arrived.

We started with some Garlic Beer Buddies (whole grain beer crust brushed with garlic and deliciousness):

Then we ordered the Meet Extreme Meat pizza. And the Garlic Veggie pizza (pictured). And some wings and cheese sticks, too. In our defense, they were just 35¢ each. It would’ve been ridiculous NOT to get them…

As we rolled ourselves back to the car, we passed by the OB Farmers Market and picked up some mini donuts like we hadn’t just gorged ourselves at Pizza Port:

I wish we would have stopped there, but we hit up Yogurtland before heading home, too. For shame :(

(image via the notebook doodles)

The Postal Service – The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I’m just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving

At the risk of ruining what glimmer of street cred I might have, I’m going to let you in on my secret shame… I used to be in show choir. I have the sequin dress and nude character shoes to prove it. Fortunately, there’s no audio or video proof, but I think that admitting it is proof enough. Naturally, I fell in love with the TV show, Glee. And yes, I’m a total Gleek… What of it??? Last night, the girls and I headed up to LA to watch them in concert.

I took the day off from work, but was awakened at an ungodly hour by Shi, who loves her job and decided to take a half day instead. I mean, I don’t even know why she went to work at all. I’m sure her day consisted of taking two lunches, removing her nail polish with the cotton balls and nail polish remover she keeps readily available in her office, and calling me six times before 10am. Seriously, can I enjoy?

We picked up Pammie in the OC and stopped at In-N-Out for lunch. With our ridiculous order of extras (extra fries, extra-large drinks, extra-toasted buns, burgers cut in half… who are these people?), I’m surprised we ever made it to LA at all.

The LXD opened for Glee and I was blown away (especially by Madd Chadd Smith and his panty droppin’ chest pops). Def check out their inspiring performance at TED earlier this year. I’ll spare you the rest of the concert details, but the show was amazing. And I’m pretty sure Puck singled me out in the crowd and gave me a thumbs up in this picture. Try not to be too jealous:

We stayed the night at Pammie’s and planned to eat brunch at Break of Dawn in Laguna Hills before heading home:

Little did we know we’d be waking up at the break of dawn, too. Shi needed to be back in SD by noon, so brunch turned into breakfast. 8:30 isn’t too early for a cocktail, is it?

Shi ordered the craziest mac and cheese I’ve ever seen. It had Sicil­ian sausage, short ribs, smoked gouda, tomato carbonara sauce, and was topped with bacon fried eggs:

Pammie and Chel both ordered the green eggs and ham benedict. Would they eat them in a box? Would they like them with a fox? And an even bigger question—how has Shi never heard of Green Eggs and Ham???

I ordered the most sinful thing on the menu… creme brulee french toast. It def beat the strawberries and cream french toast I had from Cafe 21 (and that’s saying something):

Pammie also got promoted to manager of her auditing department yesterday, so I just wanted to say congrats again! I know she won’t be moving back home to San Diego anytime soon, so I guess I’ll just have to keep going up to the OC to visit her. And if I’m forced to eat at Break of Dawn while I’m there, then so be it.

Christine, Shi, Chel and I hit up The Pearl Hotel for dinner, drinks and Dive-in Theatre tonight. They were showing Sex and the City: The Movie poolside, so we thought we’d get together and watch it for the millionth time.

Shi: (looking at the menu) What’s a pom-us fritz?
Mayan: Pommes frites! It’s what you’re eating, crazy! French fries!

I wish I wasn’t so mean about it. Karma’s only a bitch if you are (as I would find out later). How is she supposed to know what pommes frites is, or how to say it? This is the girl who thought we made up the word aioli, after all.

I love it when I arrive for dinner and there’s a cocktail already waiting for me:

Our pommes frites appetizer tasted like skinny In-N-Out fries (my favorite!):

The highlight of my evening… prosciutto-wrapped shrimp skewer with fig/onion marinade:

And the lowlight of my evening… eating shit on the way back to my car with Chel. I tripped over the curb, scraped my elbows and knees, bruised my shins, and ripped a hole in my favorite jeans.

I’m sorry, Shi… You can call it “pom-us fritz” if you want to.

(image via fuckyeahrdj)

I will outclass you so hard you will cry tears.

Here is the aforementioned I ♥ Haters shirt that Shi gave me for shits and grins. Don’t hate. I only wear it when I’m breaking into my own house with no bra on.

I found myself locked out of my house this afternoon. Bra-less.

It was my worst nightmare realized.

I went into the garage to get my bra in my car (don’t ask me why I thought it was in there), and I realized that I had locked the garage door behind me by habit. And then I realized that my bra wasn’t in my car. And then I realized that I was fucked.

I found the “I ♥ Haters” shirt Shi had given me in my trunk, so I threw that on. I knew that my bedroom window was open, but my room is on the second floor. I went into the backyard and scaled the fence like a ninja. I stood there for a few minutes staring at the gap between the roof I needed to jump on and the top of the fence where I stood. I just kept imagining myself lying on the ground with my legs broken… my “I ♥ Haters” shirt over my head, exposing me in all my bra-less glory while I waited for someone to help me. And so I decided to explore other options.

I went around the back and checked to see if I left the sliding door open after I let Rocky out. But of course, today was the one day I remembered to lock it. I didn’t think that the front window would be unlocked, since I never open it, but I checked it anyway, and it was! I took the screen door off, slid the window open and climbed inside. During all that commotion, Rocky just lay there on the couch staring at the wall. Useless!

Here’s what I’ve learned from this experience:

1. It’s a little too easy to break into my house.
2. Don’t take your bra off in your car.
3. Get a dog that will at least try to look alive when someone is potentially breaking into your house.

Deftones – Risk

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

You can’t talk, I’m anxious
I’m off the walls, I’m right here just
Come outside, and see it
But pack your heart, you might need it

My coworker ate shit, split her lip and nearly broke her arm while walking to work today. As someone whose legs are permanently scarred (and ruined!) from falling down the stairs last Halloween, I empathized and tried to ease her pain with an Iced Caramel Macchiato and a ride home from work. She loves Chelsea Lately and would definitely appreciate this quote:

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.

Luckily, I have friends who escort my drunk ass out before the bouncer does. The same friends also take incriminating cell phone pictures of me passed out in hotel bathrooms and whip them out amongst strangers, but that’s neither here nor there.

This is the fifth site that has featured the wedding invitations I designed for Chel. Yay us!

Every night after work, I begrudgingly drag my ass to the gym. But today, I finally found my motivation. Turbo Kickboxing Instructor Mike, where have you been all my life??? It will be like that summer I took that art class in college with that hot teacher and had unusually perfect attendance that quarter ;)

Update: I just googled Mike to see what gyms he regularly teaches at since he subbed my class today, and his personal training site lists him as MARRIED (of course he is). Come to think of it, that hot art teacher from college was married, too.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure God wants me to die alone. And possibly out of shape.

My life is in shambles. I pretty much have no reason to live now that they’ve canceled the 91X morning show (again). They already broke my heart in 2007 when they fired Cantore. My morning commute to work won’t be the same without the Drunk Dial Line (often powered by the Lakeside double-wide division) and the always awesome Mat Diablo. Seriously, what’s up with me and my tendency towards married men with children???

Here’s Mat with my other love, Sam the Cooking Guy (who’s also married with children):

Now if they decide to cancel Sam the Cooking Guy’s show, I will have to kick whoever’s responsible square in their taco. Don’t think I won’t!

If my mom had taught me how to cook, I would have made her brunch today. Instead, my aunts came down from LA for Mother’s Day and made these nutella-filled ebleskivers. I inhaled maybe twenty of them, give or take a few. Fucking Europeans trying to sabotage me with their delicious treats. It’s not racist if it’s a compliment, right? Is that how it works?

Aww, check out my mom with her mom on Mother’s Day weekend. I know what you’re all thinking… Yes, my beautiful mother looks freakishly young for a woman in her fifties. And yes, my children will be just as blind as us four-eyed freaks. I would say that 20/20 vision should be a requirement for my future baby daddy, but the pool keeps shrinking the closer I get to my dirty thirties, so I think it would be wise not to discriminate, don’t you?

I’m all about good food and good drinks with good friends, and this diet is just ruining my life. I don’t even know who I am right now. Did I really say no to Cinco de Drinko at D&B’s with Jay and his coworkers AND margaritas at Ortega’s with Shi and her coworkers this week? I think the bigger question is what’s the deal with me hanging out with my friends and their coworkers??? As a general rule, I don’t go out with the people I work with. At least not since my manager’s drunken birthday disaster of 2008. Yikes. Anyway, with only six weeks left till Chel’s wedding, I’ve been eating bird portions and hitting the gym every night in a late attempt to fit into the bridesmaid dress I purposely (and over ambitiously) ordered three sizes too small. Apparently, losing 25 pounds wasn’t enough. It would’ve been, had I lost it all in my chest. As I always say, these ladies are a blessing and a curse. This sudden spike in turbo kickboxing classes has also left me with some seriously sore stems. I have to admit, walking around like I’ve just been butt-raped has been very humbling.