This billboard looks like the first thing I created in photoshop circa 1996. Has anyone else reached the Tiger King segment of their quarantine yet???

Kevin Garrett – Love You Less

There’s a place where we’re together
That’s what I’ll keep on telling myself

I love that artists are live streaming from their living rooms during this lockdown, partly because I’ve missed going out to shows, but mostly because I get to cry sing as loud as I want in the privacy of my own home.

Watch the full live stream here.

Finally an office with a window! I could get used to working from home…

Now if I only had a bidet, a lifetime subscription to Freshly, and a peleton bike, I’d never have to leave my apartment! Just kidding (like I would ever use a peleton bike).

See you clowns on Zoom!

Literally me in the bread aisle at Ralphs today. All it took was a global pandemic for LA to start eating gluten again.

Welp, I guess I’ll be cooped up at home indefinitely now. It’s only day 4, and I’ve already eaten all my quarantine snacks!

Because I didn’t get enough coronavirus exposure during my recent visit to Seattle, I’ve spent the last few weeks traveling through the Philippines.

I’m back home now where I’ll be self-quarantining and working remotely for the next 14 days! If anyone needs me, I’ll just be in my apartment tending to my sunburn and wishing I was back on a yacht off the coast of El Nido instead of here in LA where it’s raining outside.

If you’re reading this, please send Jollibee.

Yeah, I probably should’ve gone grocery shopping before I left for vacation in the middle of a pandemic.

(@ Whole Foods, El Segundo)

(@ Target, Manhattan Beach)

(@ Ralphs, Manhattan Beach)

On my flight to Seattle, the flight attendant was walking down the aisle greeting everyone happy valentine’s day when he stopped in front of me and asked, “Are you traveling alone?” I said that I was, and he was like, “Can you switch seats so that this couple can sit together?” I meannn.

Morning view (@ Hyatt House)

Blown away (@ Chihuly Garden and Glass)

This museum was across the street from our hotel and so worth the visit! I’ve always admired Chihuli’s sculptures in Vegas, but his featured work here is incredible. The way he transforms glass is pure poetry.

Seattle is so fetch (@ Cobb’s Popcorn)

The stickiest of the icky (@ The Gum Wall)

We stood in a long ass line that wrapped around the building for this chowder… or shall I say Pammie stood in a long ass line while I was off buying crab claw pens at a souvenir shop (@ Pike Place Chowder)

I actually forgot that I had eaten here during my first trip to Seattle… We only tried the New England style chowder, and I didn’t think it was anything to write home about. If you’ve had the chowder from Boudin’s or Blue Bayou or even the cafe downstairs at my work on Fridays, you aren’t missing much.

Skip the chowder line and head across the street instead (@ Beecher’s Handmade Cheese)

Between the mac and cheese, grilled cheese, poutin and cheese samples, I was in heaven! Although no one should ever consume all that dairy in one sitting. Don’t ask me how I know.

Ooh baby, I like it rawww 🎶 (@ Elliot’s Oyster House)

One last stop under the bridge! Till next time, Seattle (@ Fremont Troll)

My coworker Luis came up to me this morning with his cup of grapes and was all like, “Is that your breakfast???”

In unrelated news, I had a salad for lunch today.

BRB crying in my car.

Title Track (@ The Hotel Cafe)

I try to catch Kevin Garrett whenever he’s in LA, and this was by far my favorite show of his. Love this intimate venue.

The last time Christine was my wingwoman, I ended up roofied at The Waterfront! Was it her fault or the mocktails? Who really is to blame???

I love that Christine’s birthday is so close to mine, especially when her husband throws her a surprise party at my favorite BBQ spot! (@ Grand Ole BBQ)

The girls gave me the best gift ever: music and travel! I can’t wait to see Tame Impala in Portland!!!

Thanks to Chel, Christine and the old man in a hawaiian shirt at the bar for buying me all those birthday drinks (and even more thanks to Alicia for picking my ass up and Ray for driving my car home).

When the clock struck midnight on my birthday, I was two burritos deep and lying on the floor at Alicia’s house. This is 38, guys.

I’m just gonna watch this tube dude for the rest of the day.

That’s a wrap on 2019!

Let’s get blitzen, y’all…

“You smell like beef and cheese alcohol.”

Cuevas family gone wild!

This is what happens when you hide a $20 bill inside a roll of costco saran wrap and tell everyone there’s $100 in there LOL!

One hour and two broken nails later…

It wouldn’t be the holidays if my grandma didn’t lose $50 playing bingo and and curse like a sailor while doing so! Ha.

The holidays aren’t the same without you, bud 💔

BRB postmates is outside with my seafood risotto.

…or me when my bff’s family was done going around the table saying what they were all thankful for, and her 6-year-old daughter says, “Now let’s say what we hate about each other.”

I find this kid equally amusing and terrifying.

If anyone needs me, I’ll just be out here waiting for this turkey to deep fry and my druncle to stop asking me why I’m not married yet.

Happy holidays from the 405!

One month till Christmas!

Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast (@ Republique)

Roger is my spirit animal.

Sylvan Esso – Coffee (@ Walt Disney Concert Hall)

Last show of the year at my new favorite venue ❤️

I got to try the elusive Popeyes chicken sandwich, and I didn’t even have to wait in line or get stabbed to death! It only cost me 15,000 Southwest points (@ McCarran Airport)

Adding to my list of dating requirements:

– Must be born before I started high school
– Must be less sloppy than me (if only slightly)

Just kidding (the beard is non-negotiable).

Still waiting for someone to passive-aggressively address my new neighbor’s affinity for indian food and techno music.

Same.

I miss you already, bud 💔💔💔

9/1/05 – 10/7/19

Ohana Fest (@ Doheny State Beach)

This is the third time I’ve seen The Strokes and probably my last. Julian’s a mess! During one of the songs, he forgot the lyrics, walked off the stage and sang, “I don’t want to play in this place anymore.” The show wasn’t done yet, but he sure was.

They just finished a new album and are probably gearing up to tour next year. As much as I love their music, I don’t know that I would see them live again. If you can, catch them twenty years ago in NYC!

Sake on Sunset with Deane and Sarah (@ Night + Market Weho)

John Mayer – Edge of Desire (@ The Forum)

Don’t say a word, just come over and lie here with me
‘Cause I’m just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I’m scared you’ll forget about me

The last time I saw John Mayer was at the Hollywood Bowl in 2007 before I moved to LA. Twelve years later, he still makes that same guitar face me feel all the feels.

Can I get a Clearly Canadian to wash down these tofu balls? (@ Button Mash)

Andy Grammer – I Am Yours (@ The Wiltern)

I’ve been lost, I’ve been found
But I know who I am now
I am yours

Aloha! It’s been a busy month since I got back from Hawaii, but my paradise playlist is still in heavy rotation, and I’ve been dreaming about that island life ever since…

It was hard waking up to this view every morning, but I managed somehow (@ Timbers Kauai Ocean Club)

First things first (@ Hualani’s)

Excuse me, miss? There seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large shave ice. Hello! (@ Skinny Mike’s Ice Cream & Shave Ice)

Two things you should know about me:

1. I will reference So I Married an Axe Murderer till the day I die.

2. I stay ready with that mini Tajin in my purse.

Congrats to my dear friends, Donna and David! I had originally planned to go to Chicago for Lollapalooza that week, but I went to Kauai for their vow renewal instead and had the greatest time!

I was still in high school when they first got married twenty years ago. If my sister and I were running late to class, we’d skip first period and hang out at their apartment instead. Donna was a bad influence on us then, and she still is today! Ha. She dared me to jump off a cliff into the kids’ pool at the resort we were staying at. She jumped first, but she’s also a foot shorter than me! I’m pretty sure my tailbone is still at the bottom of the keiki pool, you guys.

Touring the Na Pali Coast by boat was my most favorite part of this trip!

We got up close and personal with dolphins, snorkeled with sea turtles, and explored these amazing sea caves. Shoutout to Captain Kalen of Blue Ocean Adventure Tours for the dope playlist and all the laughs! Def book a tour with them if you’re ever in Kauai.

This raft tour was pretty wild. You basically sit on the side of an inflatable zodiac boat with nothing but a rope over your foot and the hand of God keeping you in as you zip up the coast at crazy speeds!

I was surprised Pammie agreed to join me because she is notorious for getting sea sick (Caborette Booze Cruise 2015, anyone?). She thought she fully prepared herself this time around, but no amount of ginger pills, essential oils, sea-bands or prayers could keep her from getting sick. All things considered, she and her husband still had fun!

This magical bamboo forest led us to the lazy river where we went mountain tubing.

They all float (@ Kauai Backcountry Adventures)

If you’ve never gone tubing down an old sugar plantation irrigation system, then I really don’t know what you’re doing with your life.

We hit up this hole in the wall, Hamura Saimin, after Jessie told us it was her husband’s favorite restaurant in Kauai. While we were waiting for a table, I noticed Jason Momoa’s kids in line next to us (because I’m a creep and I know what his kids look like). They were accompanied by a local who was super friendly with everyone in the restaurant. We were seated at a communal table next to them when Jason Momoa strolled in and sat down behind me! I started sweating, partly because I was eating hot noodle soup in the humidest place on earth, but mostly because I was sitting back to back with Khal fuckin’ Drogo, and I could feel his goddamn body heat!

My friends stayed in Kauai longer than us and saw him two more times! I knew I should’ve extended my vacation…

This LA humidity is prepping me for Hawaii, you guys.

3 more days!!!

I’m here for the garlic fries, beer and Eric Hosmer (in that order) (@ Petco Park)

Nothing says ‘Murica like BBQ and corn chips (@ Grand Ole BBQ Flinn Springs)

I had to try my beloved beef rib el borracho style (as featured on DDD!) with my favorite borrachos this 4th of July weekend. Def could go easier on the queso, but I am here for this bed of corn puddin’ y’all!

I should really start wearing pants to bed in preparation for the big one.

Unsolicited fact about me: This is how I start every 4th of July.

Rooney – Stay Away

Make a move on me, baby
I cant be the one who’s always taking chances

Another day, another 20th anniversary tour (@ Lodge Room)

The first time I saw Rooney was nearly two decades ago with an ex-boyfriend at a venue that doesn’t exist anymore. So much has changed since then, but I still go to shows as much as I can, and I still love the bands I loved twenty years ago (still waiting for that Hoobastank comeback tour!).

BRB crying at the cemetery (@ Hollywood Forever)

Hozier – Shrike

I couldn’t utter my love when it counted
Ah, but I’m singing like a bird ’bout it now

I’ve supported Jessie through everything from swim meets to soccer games to sugar cleanses… It’s scary to think that someone so incredibly health-conscious and physically fit could suddenly get cancer, and even scarier when that person is one of your dearest friends.

If anyone can beat this, it’s you, bb. Love you so much ♥

Congrats to my favorite new first grader, Ari! (@ Pepper Drive Elementary)

I should’ve been less concerned about the dad with the swastika tattoo on his neck and more concerned about being in a classroom full of kinders for an hour, because I am full blown sick now, ya dang kids!

File under: Reasons I don’t go hiking.

I have a soft spot for songs that remind me of my youth (even ones that are covered by Lana Del Rey).

When we were in 8th grade, Marisa Madrigal wrote me this note with all the lyrics to her favorite song – Sublime’s Date Rape! Never mind the fact that we were only thirteen listening to a song about butt rape (yikes) by a fricken ska punk band (double yikes), I thought she was the coolest girl in school.

Who taught my grandma how to snapchat?!

I’m gonna need this sunglass filter, guys. I’ve seen my future and it is BRIGHT.

Kevin Garrett – Control

Father, son, and holy ghost
I would never let you go

h o a x 💔 (@ Troubadour)

Actual footage of me picking up my food order during the Game of Thrones finale.

After setting up my projector and ordering food, I got in my car and realized my battery was dead. I must’ve left the dome light on Friday night when I was looking for that mango hi-chew that fell into the abyss.

The food was already paid for, so I had to take a lyft there and back to get it. Luckily, both of my drivers were more concerned about the rain in LA than the GoT finale. I called AAA when I got home, and the dude took an hour and a half to get to my apartment. Once he jump started my car, he told me that I should keep it running for another half hour! I got back home around 10pm after driving aimlessly in the rain and finally queued up the episode.

As it turns out, I didn’t need to partake in a social media blackout to avoid spoilers that night, because my entire evening leading up to the finale was more exciting than the finale itself!

Lucius – Feels like a Curse

You talk about today, like the girl who got away
The only one you ever wanted

Day trippin’ (@ Pappy & Harriet’s Pioneertown Palace)

Love this intimate desert gem! Anthony Bourdain featured it in an episode of No Reservations, and Paul McCartney has played here. It’s def worth the visit, especially if you’re nearby in Palm Springs or in Joshua Tree where I had the best nap sound bath of my life.

I lived in San Diego for 30 years, but this was my first time here! It’s worth the $18 entry fee, if only to get dole whip from the strawberry shack on your way out (@ The Flower Fields)

Earlier this week, my coworker Ben walked in on me eating a pb&j uncrustable in my office (yes, I bought the multipack in the ‘kids meals’ aisle at Target, and yes, I have no kids). He told me that he makes pb & honey ones for his daughter who hates jelly, and I said I’ve never had that combo before. This morning, he made an extra sandwich for me when he packed his kid’s lunch! He even cut the crust off lol!

(I’ve also never had wagyu beef, white albino caviar, or fourchu lobster if anyone reading this wants to bring me something, too.)

We survived another conference season (and work party!) (@ Manhattan Beach Studios)

The lack of casualties during the Battle of Winterfell does not bode well for my Game of Thrones Dead Pool entry, guys.

(Fucking Arya, though!!!)

When your sister invites you to an NBA playoff game, you book a flight that morning and meet her in SF!

Local brew and bay views (@ Ferry Building)

Puff puff pastry (@ Mr. Holmes Bakehouse)

San Fran staple (@ Cha Cha Cha)

Chike took us here during our first trip to Outside Lands, and their cajun shrimp and sangria keep me coming back every time!

Klay and Curry and KD, oh my (@ Oracle Arena)

Warriors, baby! Not bad for my first NBA game ever. Thanks to Pammie for a great weekend! You the real MVP.

Till next time, SF! (@ Union Square)

Conference season at work is so draining. I wish I was back at the beach with these clowns! I promise we did more than just lay in bed last weekend (we also ate pizza).

Jessie’s birthday BBQ (@ Grand Ole BBQ Flinn Springs)

I missed pre-BBQ beers at Alpine because of stupid LA traffic, but I made it before they sold out of ribs this time! Can all my friends celebrate their birthdays here??? I would get on the 405 during rush hour for BBQ you.

Shi is my heart twin. We’ve been through the best and absolute worst of times together. There are very few people who have seen me cry or have watched me eat an entire pizza by myself like she has (and even fewer people who have told me that it’s okay because it was thin crust!).

No matter how bad life gets, Shi never loses faith… in love, in the universe, in God. She sends me healing crystals and bible quotes, not because I’m a believer, but because she is. She believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. Her positivity radiates, and anyone who’s ever met her can attest to that. I always joke that her sunshine is blinding, but I honestly can’t help but soak up those rays whenever she’s around!

In the words of the late, great Aaliyah, you’re a positive, motivating force within my life. I’m thrilled you’ve found someone who makes you just as happy as you make everyone else. Congrats, Mrs. Sarno ♥

Muse – Stockholm Syndrome (@ The Forum)

This is the last time I’ll forget you
I wish I could

I’ve seen Muse a few times in my life, but I haven’t been to a show of theirs in a decade! It was like seeing them for the first time all over again. Loved, loved, loved. Thanks Nori and Desi for the invite!

After my ceiling sprung several leaks, my landlord had our roof fixed and offered to remove that god awful popcorn ceiling. I even got him to remodel my bathroom and repaint my entire apartment while he was at it!

S/O to all those LA storms for making this home reno possible…

I’ve been off the grid for a few weeks while my place was getting renovated, but it was def worth the wait! Lots to catch up on (Shi’s wedding, Jessie’s birthday, and all the BBQ I ate in between), but first I gotta shower in my new tub and make my bracket picks…