The hideousness of my hand will haunt my dreams forever!

(But at least my boobs look great.)

I built this coffee table in an ongoing attempt to lower my Ikea to non-Ikea furniture ratio. Yes, this area rug is from Ikea, but The Great Pizza Box Fire of 2014 destroyed my non-Ikea rug, and I needed an affordable replacement! One step forward, two steps back…

This coffee table was built the same way I built my mid-century modern side table, but with a few modifications. I used pre-stain wood conditioner this time to prevent streaking and blotching. On a bigger job like this, you won’t be able to hide the ugly parts with succulents and a strategically placed Beyoncé quote.

You can follow the same directions I used to build the side table. Just be sure to use these new measurements.

MATERIALS & TOOLS:

• 2 – 1″x12″-6′ common board ($12 each)
• 1 – 1″x4″-6′ common board ($3)
• Pre-Stain Wood Conditioner – I used Minwax Water-Based Pre-Stain Conditioner
• Wood Stain – I used Minwax Gel Stain in Hickory
• Clear Coat – I used Minwax Polycrylic in Clear Satin
• 16 – 1.75″ nails
• 4 – Mid-Century modern legs – I used 12″ hairpin legs ($61)
• Sandpaper
• Hammer
• Power drill

CUT LIST:

• 2 – 1″x12″-6′ common boards – 4 pieces that are cut 36″ long
  (the top & bottom boards)
• 1 – 1″x4″-6′ common board – 2 pieces that are cut 22.5″ long
  (the side boards)

Since I already had the gel stain and clear coat left over from building the side table, it only cost me $88 to make this coffee table! That’s cheaper than the Ikea rug it’s sitting on…

Last night’s much needed michelucas (@ Karina’s)

…or the reason why I missed my morning hike! SORRY, SHI!

Dance party (@ The Fonda)

Chromeo – Jealous (I Ain’t With It)

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…or my neighbors after I almost burned down our apartment building this past weekend.

My lease is up and the only hot neighbor I had moved out this month, so I’m pretty sure the universe is telling me that it’s time to move out of the sticks, fellas.

White negroni to start off the best meal I’ve had in a while (@ Bestia)

BEARD MAGIC HEALS EVERYTHING.
This is only the best e-card anyone has ever made me.
Thanks, Zack (and Levi!) ♥

NOTE TO SELF: Check the oven for empty pizza boxes before pre-heating it if you don’t want second degree burns. Or worse.

I was slicing up an avocado when I noticed smoke coming out of my oven. I opened it and saw that I left an empty pizza box in there like an asshole, and that shit was on fire! Instead of putting it out in the kitchen, I took the box out of the oven with my bare hands and ran across my apartment to the balcony. All the while, bits of flaming pizza box kept falling off along the way and lighting everything I hold dear to my heart on fire. My Anthropologie duvet. My area rug that I had just made an appointment to get cleaned. MY FUCKING HAND. I can live with a second degree burn, but they don’t sell that duvet at Anthropologie anymore, you guys!

It really is amazing I’ve made it this far.

No vodka? And where do I exit??? (@ Bootleg HiFi)

OH MY GLOB <3 (@ Gallery 1988)

I can’t pass a cronut shop without swerving into the parking lot (@ California Donuts)

Pot for dinner… also, we might eat at this Roy Choi resto (@ Pot at the Line Hotel)

Accurate.

Cro-muffin top (@ Kettle Glazed Doughnuts)

Got this Runyon thing on lock! (@ Runyon Canyon)

shadow-writer:

I’m terrible at both.

<3 (@ Poinsettia & Melrose)

Only in LA (@ Fairfax & Rosewood)

This is the second big earthquake we’ve had in less than two weeks! I should probably start wearing pants to bed if this is going to be a recurring event.

So the cafe inside my work has an instagram account, and all the employees who follow it have a chance to win a $25 gift card every week. I was pretty excited when I won last month. I was less excited about the photo they chose of me, but my instagram is devoid of selfies, so I forgive them.

Anyway, I was talking to my coworker who runs the instagram account, and he was saying how they make a big deal at the cafe when you get your gift card. And I was like, “Yeah, they even take your picture!” And he was like, “Wait, what… They don’t do that.” And then I realized that the guy who sells me my $9 pressed juice every morning took a picture of me on his cell phone for his own personal collection!

DIY furniture, vodka, and bread pudding.

Book tunnel (@ The Last Bookstore)

Fuckin’ french toast (@ Blu Jam Cafe)

Hiked the Hollywood sign in my Dodgers hat. Am I LA yet???

The girls are spending the night at my place this weekend, and I’m over here building furniture like IDGAF.

Zangief mules + old school cool (@ EightyTwo barcade)

@mayanrocks: doing twitter wrong since ’08

Find your #FirstTweet here.

Every Tuesday, Deane and I go trolling for sweets in LA. We coincidentally started doing this on Fat Tuesday, not realizing it was Mardi Gras—we just wanted some pie! And so… Fat Tuesdays were born.

So far, we’ve been to Alcove (Los Feliz), The Pie Hole (DTLA), and Ramekin (Los Feliz). We went to Ramekin two Tuesdays in a row (and the Saturday in between!), because their chocolate bread pudding fixes things in the universe. So does their s’mores cookie. And their strawberry brick toast. That are all BAKED TO ORDER. Don’t even get me started on their earl gray ice cream.

Someday we’ll get to the other places on my sweets list, but today is not that day.

HOME DEPOT DUDE: So you want these cut at 22.5 inches?

ME: (showing him my measuring tape) Can you add one of these little guys?

HOME DEPOT DUDE: You mean 1/16th of an inch?

ME: Oh, is that what you call it…?

…

I never feel as stupid as I do when I’m at Home Deeps. I promise I’m, like, way smarter outside of the store (ignore my contradictory burnt toast post below).

This week’s edition of Mayan burns the toast.

Tajin margarita (@ James Republic, Long Beach). Happy birthday, Karey!

I’m obsessed with all things Mid-Century modern, and when I saw this Co-Mod side table, I knew that I needed it in my life. But it was $345. And sold out. And $345. I felt like that needed to be mentioned twice.

Because I’ve mastered the art of assembling Ikea furniture (and tested many friendships along the way), I thought that I should try building this side table myself. I went to Home Depot, showed them a photo on my phone and was basically like, “HOW YOU DO DIS?” If you act like you don’t know what you’re doing (or you’re like me and you legitimately do not know what you’re doing), the good people at Home Depot will help you. They will tell you what paint brush you should use to apply clear coat. They will tell you what clear coat is. They will even cut your wood down to the exact size that you need at no extra charge.

Building this side table was easier than assembling an Ikea sectional sofa!

MATERIALS & TOOLS:

• 1 – 1″x8″-10′ common board ($14)
• 1 – 1″x6″-6′ common board ($4)
• Wood Stain – I used Minwax Gel Stain in Hickory
• Clear Coat – I used Minwax Polycrylic in Clear Satin
• 16 – 1.75″ nails
• 4 – Mid-Century modern legs – I used 12″ hairpin legs ($61)
• Sandpaper
• Hammer
• Power drill

CUT LIST:

• 1″x8″-10′ common board – 4 pieces that are cut 20″ long
  (the top & bottom boards)
• 1″x6″-6′ common board – 2 pieces that are cut 14.5″ long
  (the side boards)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Sand your boards. I used 150 grit sandpaper and sanded in the direction of the grain until it felt smooth. After your boards are sanded, wipe them down with a damp cloth to remove excess sawdust before staining them. This is probably something you should do outdoors in a well-ventilated area and not inside your 500 square foot studio during the only weekend it rains in Los Angeles. I still have sawdust in places I didn’t know I could get sawdust.
2. Stain your boards. Use gloves unless you want to have to keep explaining to everyone why your hands are brown for the next three days. You can use an old t-shirt, or if you’re a hoarder like me and can’t bear to part with your ‘I ♥ Haters’ shirt, you can get a pack of paint rags from Home Depot for $4 and use those instead. I used one to apply the stain to the wood and one to wipe off the excess. It dries pretty fast, so I was able to coat all sides without waiting. I only applied one coat, but you can apply more if you want it darker. Let the boards dry completely.
3. Apply clear coat. I applied it to one side of the boards using a synthetic paint brush. Give it a couple hours to dry, then turn your boards over and apply it to the other side.
4. Assemble your side table. Use two 20″ boards for the bottom, two 20″ boards for the top, and the remaining 14.5″ boards for the sides. Here’s a helpful diagram:
   
5. Nail the two top boards to the long edge of the side boards, and repeat on the bottom. Use two nails on each end of each board as pictured. I had someone hold the boards together for me while I hammered away.
6. Mount the legs. I set the legs 2″ from the edges and marked where the screws would go. I pre-drilled pilot holes and screwed the legs on with sixteen 3/4″ screws. Depending on what kind of legs you buy, you might have a different method for attaching them.

You can build your own Mid-Century modern inspired side table for roughly $78 (for just the wood and the hairpin legs, if you happen to have the other materials). You really can’t beat that price or the sense of accomplishment you’ll feel after building something with your bare, wood-stained hands.

Other things pictured:
Painted succulent pots designed by me (DIY tutorial here)
Task lamp from Target
Beyoncé print designed by me (sold on Etsy)
Bedding from Anthropologie

This is the start of something beautiful.

TRADER JOE’S CASHIER: You just get out of work?

ME: Yeah, these heels are coming off as soon as I get home.

TRADER JOE’S CASHIER: I like to take my pants off right when I get home. I’m not even through the door yet, and I’m already unbuckling my belt.

…

You guys, I think I found the one <3

Am I doing this right? (@ The Pie Hole)

DIY: Painted Succulent Pots

What you’ll need:
Clay pots in various sizes
Acrylic spray paint
Painter’s tape
Succulents
Potting Soil
Clear sealant (optional)

Directions:

Spray the clay pots with acrylic paint. I used Krylon spray paint in Mambo Pink, Flat White and Sea Glass.

Let them dry completely before taping off whatever pattern or shape your heart desires and painting them with an accent color. I used Krylon’s Gold Metallic spray paint for the triangles.

If you plan on keeping your clay pots outdoors, make sure you weatherproof them with clear sealant. Otherwise, you can go ahead and plant your succulents!

This is an easy way to add some color to your home. The hard part (for me anyway) is keeping the plants alive!

Sanding, staining and spray painting on this rainy Sunday. IDK why I thought these were things I could do inside my studio. Pretty sure I’m high right now.

I suppose in the end it’s almost too easy to look back and say what you should have done, how you might have changed things. What’s harder—what’s much, much harder—is to accept what you actually did do.

LA rain + Local Natives.

Local Natives – Colombia

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At home, at weekends or whatever, it wells up and I can’t handle it. But most of the time I can just about handle it, you sort of have to get through the day.

I wanted to tell you all my secrets, but you became one of them instead.

There’s a cafe in Los Feliz that has a table with drawers full of secrets inside. I didn’t leave one of my own tonight, partly because neither of us had a pen, but mostly because I was afraid someone I knew would find my note and recognize my impeccable penmanship.

I’m going to file this conversation under “Reasons why we’re single.”

I love being on top of you.

Because donuts. And dat ass.

Lit @ LACMA.

ME ON FRIDAY:
Have fun in SF, Deane! I won’t go to Glazed Donut Bistro without you.

ME ON SATURDAY:

But would you throw your donut for me, be honest.

I have a growing queue of things I know will make you laugh, and I don’t know where to put them.

I’m eating my feelings, and they taste delicious.

…or what I get for answering Anthony’s phone call after ignoring him for two months. When I moved to LA, he used to call me every Sunday to see how I was doing. This was like eight Sundays worth of conversations!

One of my randoms who I haven’t seen or responded to in five years hit me up late last night. Who does that??? Please just forget about me, just like you seem to have forgotten that you have a girlfriend and babies at home.

I’m so sick of these fucks.

Where the churros at???

…or me after my annual review this week!

A generous raise plus a bonus big enough to pay off my credit card debt? YES, PLEASE. Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy that $500 bedding set I’ve been eyeballing at Anthropologie. And sometimes that’s enough to keep me warm at night.

Young the Giant – Paralysis

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And lately I’ve been thinking
I’m not feeling anything at all
Will I survive in the dead of night?
And now the lights are fading faster
Save me from my disaster

Trader Joe’s tissue, you my only friend.

Beards are my kryptonite. So are neck bites.

Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again.

Good advice from the birthday girl who gave me this print last Christmas ♥

I’m like that. Either I forget right away or I never forget.

Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I’m heavy, like there’s too much gravity on my heart.

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it’s there, because it can’t hurt, and because what difference does it make?

shadow-writer:

Obey your traffic signs.

Erin McCarley – Pitter Pat (Acoustic)

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Pain takes my heart’s place
The love we made remains

shadow-writer:

A Great Big World – Say Something

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Say something, I’m giving up on you

This is how my crazy family does christmas!

Sliding a cookie from your forehead to your mouth isn’t easy (I know it’s hard to believe since I made it look so effortless).

$5 richer and missing these clowns already ♥

Dulce de Leche Cheesecake Bars
Adapted from Brown Eyed Baker

Ingredients:

Crust:
1 1/2 cups finely ground graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup white sugar
6 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
1 can (13.6 oz.) dulce de leche (you can find this at Target or most grocery stores next to the condensed milk in the baking aisle)
2 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Glaze:
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 teaspoons light corn syrup
1 tbsp chocolate liqueur or heavy cream

Directions:

Make the crust. Position an oven rack in the middle position and preheat oven to 325F. Line the bottom and sides of an 8-inch square pan with parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on all sides. Spray parchment paper with non-stick spray.

Mix the graham crackers, sugar and butter. Press mixture evenly onto bottom of baking pan. Bake 10 minutes, then place on a cooling rack to cool for 5 minutes.

Make the filling. Spread the dulce de leche evenly over the graham crust, then place pan in refrigerator while you prepare the cream cheese layer.

Beat the cream cheese on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the sugar and continue to beat on medium-high for another 2 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl if necessary. Beat in the vanilla extract.

Pour the cream cheese mixture over the dulce de leche layer and spread evenly, and bake for 45-55 minutes, or until the center only slightly jiggles. Remove from the oven and cool completely-about 2 hours.

Glaze the cake. Heat the chocolate, butter, liqueur and light corn syrup in a double boiler or in a microwave at 30-second intervals, stirring until smooth. Cool for about 10 minutes. Pour the glaze over the cheesecake, tilting the pan to ensure the top is coated evenly. Chill for several hours-or at least 30 minutes before serving.

Lift the cheesecake from the pan using the parchment handles and slice into squares using a sharp knife, wiping it clean after each cut. Let the pan sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes before you lift the bars out and cut them. The chocolate glaze will crack if you cut them while they are still very cold.

When the beat of my drum meets the beat of your heart
You know I couldn’t love any other, any other

Exactly one month till the 2014 Young the Giant CD replaces the 2010 Young the Giant CD in my car and my heart explodes.

Looks like I’ve locked down my birthday plans for 2014! Just kidding. The Golden Globes are also on that night.

You celebrate your own birthday on someone else’s birthday one time, and no one ever lets you forget it! Ha.

Brunch at Bru’s yesterday with Deane and Sabrina. I slept for 13 hours after this meal.

Happy hour followed by open bar at my company holiday party last night! Someone please bring me a breakfast burrito and gatorade. I’ll be in bed under the covers.

Homemade cranberry bliss cookies on this rainy Saturday! Recipe here.

I kicked off my Thanksgiving vacay last week with the girls and JT in the OC!

It wouldn’t be a Justin Timberlake show without Christine almost getting into a fight! Ha. The image of Christine with half of her body hanging out the car window as we drove off will stay with me forever.

Thanks to Pammie for risking her life to take these awesome vids!