Trying to make dinner plans with Jay is like trying to find meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

I’m horrible at returning messages… I currently have 403 unread emails in my inbox! If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I probably haven’t gotten to your email yet. (But if your name is Anthony, I’m really just ignoring you.)

Snooze with my loves! Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with news ;)
Thanks for breakfast, Anthony ♥

Happy 30th birthday to the dirtiest sanchez I know!

Welcome to the club, old whore ♥

Last night, I did two things I haven’t done in a long time—I went to happy hour with Kelley (who I haven’t seen in four years!), and I ate solid foods.

It was glorious.

Someone at the bar thought I was 21 (bless their heart) and told me that I had beautiful skin! My inner goddess swayed in a gentle victorious samba. Clearly, I’ve been reading too much Fifty Shades.

Quote of the night:

Nobody needs to see your belly button trail, happy or sad!

I finally had dinner with my favorite b’s last night! It’s so hard to get everyone together when we’re all so busy planning imaginary weddings on pinterest taking care of babies, studying for CPA exams, training for marathons, playing soccer, and testing “social experiments” ;) Some of us don’t even have time to shower! LOL!

Some friends of mine are running this zombie infested 5K obstacle course race. I’ve done 5Ks before, but this pretty much sounds like the makings of my worst nightmare!

In related news, I’m all caught up with The Walking Dead. What am I supposed to do now?

I found this nipple cream in my car today and thought it might be mine until I read “sore, cracked nursing nipples” on the label! Ha. This is what happens when your friends have babies!

Christine and the birthday girl before she got kicked out of El Camino last night! Happy birthday, Jessie!

Dear Anthony,

Thank you for taking me out for beers on your birthday. I was one beer away from jocking you hard into a half mouth kiss. LOLOL. That’s so ugly. My stomach hurts from laughing all night. You really are a beacon for lost souls, if only my own. Happy birthday, friend!

An SD Beer Week bar crawl earned me Yelp’s Big Night badge Friday night with Christine, Shi and Anthony. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty epic!

• Favorite Beer:
  The Lost Abbey’s Lost and Found at Neighborhood
• Favorite Bar:
  The Tipsy Crow—they had my least favorite beer but my most favorite eye candy (priorities!)
• Favorite Accessory:
  Anthony’s douchetastic Movember moustache
  Christine’s disguise
• Favorite Quote:
  “You’ve been recycling a lot of ex’s lately. Trying to keep your numbers down?”
  “I’m going green!”

Happy birthday to my BFF at work! I didn’t come in an hour early to post-it bomb just anyone’s desk ;) My appreciation for you runs deeper than your secret love for Hootie and the Blowfish. And I think we both know just how deep that is. Ha!

Future soccer mom right here.

Jessie was able to score us free tickets to SD Beer Fest last night! Shi was the least drunk, but managed to spill the most beer. And had a hard time remembering anything this morning. So… pretty much a regular day for her. Ha.

It probably wasn’t the best idea to drive on gas fumes yesterday. Or offer to give my stranded coworker a ride home when we got off early. Or blast my air conditioning while sitting in traffic for 45 minutes because all the lights were out.

During The Great Blackout of 2011, I was stuck at Anthony’s house with an empty gas tank thinking, This is who I’m spending the end of the world with??? Ha.

Things I learned during the blackout:

• Don’t wait till your gas light turns on to fill up
• Anthony washes his face with Aveeno Skin Brightening Daily Scrub
• All you need in an emergency situation is a bottle of wine, a gas grill, and a friend who knows how to cook

Quote of the day:

If they will do it with you, they will do it to you.

Dinner with friends turned into an emergency girl boy session at Station Tavern last night. Afterward, I polished off an entire bottle of wine by myself like I was the one hurting! Or… like it was just another Tuesday. Ha.

August was a tough month for love! Hello, September. I hope you’re amazeballs.

Booty Bassment with my favorite ballerinas at the Whistle Stop last night! You can’t see them in the picture, but Antonio and Jessie were doing the bernie while this was going on.

The universe is obvi confused about what we want, judging by the excessive amount of emergency girl sessions, tears and vino consumed this past month. So the girls and I wrote our own letters to the universe last night and lit that shit on fire.

We were enjoying some sangria afterward when the man at the neighboring fire pit offered us some brisket. Was the universe answering my letter already? Maybe I should have been more specific when I said I wanted more meat in my life!

The girls and I got up at an ungodly hour this morning to support Jessie at the America’s Finest City Half Marathon!

Jess and I are still sick, so we spent all day Friday watching movies in our underwear, overdosing on Zicam and Emergen-C cocktails, and carbo-loading in preparation for her race today. Yes, I probably didn’t need to carbo-load with her, but what’s done is done.

Congrats on completing the Triple Crown, Jessie! We couldn’t be more proud of you ♥

My only requirement for my next home will be that it has a life-size wind chime swing in the front yard like this one Christine is swinging on at Outside Lands.

The first person to find me this home gets a crisp $5 bill.

Quotes of the weekend:

• “You really came alive after your pants came off.”
• “I feel like I’m hiking and shit through Yosemite and fuck.”
• “You ate all of Christine’s chips!!!”
• “San Francisco is all about recycling old lovers.”

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

Three days of live music wasn’t enough for us, so Jessie and I kept the party going in SD last night at the Death Cab for Cutie show.

Now we’re both sick, and Jess is worried about the half marathon she’s supposed to run this Sunday, while I’m worried about not being able to taste the celebratory beer we’ll both be drinking after she crosses the finish line! Ha. Priorities…

1. Mel accidentally stepped on Chewy
2. Miko tore his ACL because being blind wasn’t enough of a handicap
3. Christine broke her foot jumping tires at Undisputed (true story!)

I think I pulled an inner thigh muscle using the beaver machine at Chuze last night. Is that sort of the same thing?

How shitty was this past week? Let’s just say it was a “drink beer for dinner and have vodka cranberries for dessert” kind of week. And I’m saying that because that’s exactly what I did.

Yesterday was the perfect ending to my far from perfect week, though. I had lunch at Influx (where a ham & brie croissant melt #1 could turn anyone’s day around), witnessed sweaty eye candy at the Und1sputed Ones soccer game, and finished the night off at Blind Lady Ale House with pizza, beer and my girls. And some random dude who joined us at our table. And put his hand on my knee.

The fact that I even mentioned the random dude who put his hand on my knee as one of the highlights should be an indication of how shitty my week really was.

Liberty Station’s Summer Movie Mania night consisted of Mona Lisa sandwiches, wine, brie, Jessie’s brownies, my favorite girls, and Tom Cruise before his crazy couch jumping days.

Quote of the night:

Who needs a boy to keep you warm when you’ve got wine?

There was no doubt that I woke up in a dude’s apartment this morning. Thirty or so empty craft brew bottles lined the mantle behind me. There was an outdoor patio set in the dining room, complete with a hole in the table for the absent umbrella. And to top it all off, my friend’s roommate offered me packets of ketchup to eat for breakfast. Ha! At least he made me coffee first.

Jesse and I agreed that if it wasn’t for my vagina, we’d have a serious bromance going on.

Or… Christine, Jessie and me with haircuts.

‘It was a mistake,’ you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.

Bon Iver – Re: Stacks

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Everything that happens from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed

You were having a shitty day at work today, so I shared my favorite Bon Iver song with you to make you feel better. And then I found out what you did. Now every time I hear this song, I’ll be reminded of the exact moment you lost me as a friend.

Nothing a bottle of sauv blanc can’t fix… especially when you’re drinking it with your REAL girlfriends.

Happy 31st birthday to Jay, a dear friend who was dirty long before he was thirty. He also thinks that 31 is the new 21. Please don’t encourage him…

I had Sunday brunch, bloody marys and breakthroughs at The Tractor Room with Jessie, Christine and Pammie, or shall I say “Can’t Commit” Mary, Mama Rosa Mary and The TJ Mary—I’ll let you guess who’s who ;) I’m The Drunk Clam Mary, obvi.

I went to work yesterday morning, had happy hour (and a $200 tab according to my bank account!) at JT’s with my coworkers afterward, never made it home or to The Casbah as planned with Jessie last night, and woke up this morning in my coworker’s apartment.

Contrary to the last time I went out with all my work friends (AKA my manager’s drunken birthday disaster of 2008), I’m pretty sure we’ll all still be speaking to each other on Monday! Ha.

Drinks at The Waterfront with Christine, Jessie & Christian
+ more wine with Christine at Christian’s
= me waking up face down on my bathroom floor

Or… Sunday morning as I like to call it.

Happy birthday, Skokie!

Quote of the day:

Maybe we shouldn’t be making decisions to do things like this when we’ve been drinking for 5 hours prior.

Bring your face closer to mine.

This message from Christine made it worth getting up butt early on a Sunday to support my friends at the Rock ‘n’ Roll marathon:

Thank you sooooooo much for coming out! I love love loved the sign! I seriously was about to start crying afterwards! It made such a difference in the race today just to see you out there. You seriously helped me through it, I saw you right when I was exhausted and in pain and was like, “I can’t stop running, Mayan woke up early and got out here before she even normally goes to work!”

I’m so proud of you guys!

This morning, I woke up at an unholy hour to do the Navy Bay Bridge Run/Walk with the girls. Jessie and Christine had their long run yesterday in preparation for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon next month, so they rested their stems and strolled the 5k with us. I realized that this would be my only opportunity in life to beat their time, so I sprinted past them just as we were crossing the finish line! Ha ;)

Afterward, we walked another mile to The Mission for breakfast brunch lunch (the wait was 90 minutes!) where I tried some delicious soy chorizo. Who knew that fake Mexican sausage could rock my world?

True story.

Antho freestyling to Bel Biv Devoe’s Poison on Dance Central = highlight of my weekend.

Happy 31st birthday to my old friend Jed, the only person who replied to my Craigslist ad about my dining set:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY — AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

I can also offer 80 bucks but it’s in confederate money. I don’t know if it’s still good.
E-mail me back here. I can pick up anytime today.

I’m still waiting for my picture of a bike. In .jpg format.

Neon Trees – Wish List

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The girls and I are doing a gift exchange via Elfster this year. Gifts in our collective wish list include: red tights (not footless), San Diego Chargers hipster panties, an Aveda gift card, and Kid Rainen from the Jabbawockeez.

(I’m pretty sure the latter exceeds our previously agreed upon $30 limit, Chris!)

Lia and her BFF at the Boardwalk on her birthday (aka Alicia and me, the early years):

They see me rollin’. They hatin’.

I tried three estheticians before discovering Linda at Viva Brazil. And when I showed up for my appointment this afternoon, my stomach fell out of my butt when they informed me that Linda had called in sick. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t let just anyone touch my vagina! After having survived our waxings with Margarita, Pammie and I had a celebratory lunch at Phil’s BBQ where we ran into my BFF and her fam. How dare she eat there without me??? At least she let us cut in line :)

Movie night with Shi on Friday. We watched Easy A, and it was hilarious! Def the funniest movie I’ve seen this year. Kind of makes me want to censor what I post on here. And possibly get checked for chlamydia.

Lunch and lingerie with the bestie on Saturday. Domo Sushi was fab, although as far as sushi in east county goes, my heart belongs to Banbu. The sushi at Domo is crazy cheap, however. The Mexican roll was half off at $4, and I’ve never gotten a Mexican roll for that cheap (or without consequences) before. Alicia is celebrating her 15-year anniversary with Ray next weekend. Their relationship has lasted longer than the sum of all my relationships. And I’m even counting the online boyfriend I had for a brief moment in 1997. This occasion clearly warranted two hours of lingerie shopping at Parkway Plaza. All I went home with was some Starbucks and ideas for my future boyfriend. Boo whore.

On Sunday, I got up at an ungodly hour to make strides against breast cancer with the women in my family. Afterward, we had brunch at Brian’s to celebrate Chel’s birthday. Seven chicken and waffles, please! YUM. I did not feel the least bit guilty after having just walked 5K in the rain. Christine 1up’d us and ran the Nike Women’s (Half) Marathon in SF! While we didn’t run 13 miles and weren’t greeted at the finish line with firemen in tuxedos handing out Tiffany necklaces (lucky!), we walked for a great cause and in memory of my aunt. It’s not too late to make a donation towards breast cancer research here.

It’s Restaurant Week, so Jay invited me to dinner at Peohe’s in Coronado. It was like that one time he took me to Black Angus before the Sweethearts Dance when I was sixteen, except we didn’t slow dance afterward. Nor did I earn the title of “Freak Me ‘98″ tonight. Haha. He wishes!

Peohe’s is the place that Jay takes every girl he’s trying to cupcake. I always jokingly gave him shit about never taking me there, and he finally took me so I could quit my bitchin’! Looks like I’ve finally made it ;) The hostess sat us down outside, and I sipped on a Mango Mojito while checking out the menu and enjoying the view. We started off with Maui-Style Onion Rings. They’re fried in coconut batter, and I’m not a fan of coconut (unless it’s dessert, and even then I’m selective), but I thought I’d give it a whirl. I ended up liking the chipotle ketchup dip better than the onion rings, but I could see why Jay likes them so much. We both ordered the Lobster Bisque and Crab Stuffed Tilapia with caper butter and wild rice. Jay finished off with the No Ka Oi (macadamia nut ice cream pie in a chocolate cookie crust with chocolate sauce), while I got the Macadamia Nut Creme Brulee. Yowza! I’ve never eaten so good in my life.

I’m not gonna lie, I was thoroughly impressed… from the food, to the amazing view of the bay and downtown, to the attentive waitress who occasionally swept the crumbs off our table while we ate. Fancy! Too bad I was there with Jay and not a real date! Haha. All of this right here… wasted. Oh, well. I’d rather be there with him than some ass clown who orders their steak well done and butterflied. Deal breaker!

Happy 30th birthday to my dear friend, Gerald. You once bought me these Paul Frank pajama pants I had been eyeballing for Christmas, and I’ve never been able to wear them, because you thought I was a size smaller than I was (which was a gift in and of itself). You were the only one brave enough to teach me how to drive a stick shift, and you were patient with me even after I burned your clutch. You trusted me to watch your fish while you were deployed, and you didn’t hate me when he died. You’re the coolest navy seal I know, and wherever you are in this world, I hope that you’re safe, drinking a Monster, eating some Mike & Ike’s, and reading this wondering why you’re still friends with a person who burned your clutch and killed your fish.

Shotgun trip to Vegas this past weekend. We ate at Studio B inside the M Resort. Twice. We watched the JBWKZ do chest pops. We floated down a lazy river. We managed to escape running into all the people from SD who were also in town for the weekend. It was more like a relaxing vacation than the usual trip to Vegas. No high heels. No clubs. No hangover. What has my life come to?

So it’s no secret that I want the shrimp at Crab Hut to have my babies. Pammie comes down every weekend, and every weekend we go to Crab Hut. We always order two pounds of boiled shrimp with full house/medium sauce and rotate the appetizers (clearly, we’re creatures of habit). Lately, we’ve been ordering fried calamari and sweet potato fries. And then we get boba next door at Tapioca Express afterward, because we’re Asian and we like stereotypes. I’m pretty sure that no one frequents Crab Hut more than we do, so my title as mayor is secure unless Pammie starts sneaking trips without me (I wouldn’t put it past her).

Last night, I had dinner plans with Trace at Crab Hut. I invited Jay just so he could peel our shrimp for us! Jay invited the newlyweds, Alana and Jed, and Trace brought her boyfriend, Gary. If I knew this was going to be a couples thing, I wouldn’t have brought Jay! Haha. Just kidding. Like I would’ve peeled my own shrimp!

I went to TNT at the Museum of Contemporary Art downtown last night. After work, I took the trolley from Old Town and got ogled by three different men at three different stops on the 9-minute ride. Public transportation is for the pervs! Chel, Christine, Anthony and I had a light dinner at St. Tropez. While the food was just okay and the hip hop music distracted from the French ambiance, we did, however, enjoy how our seats vibrated every fifteen minutes from the passing trolley buses—Yes, even Anthony enjoyed it. And yes, it’s been entirely too long since I’ve had a man.

We hit up MCASD afterward, and some of the artwork was just beyond me, but I did enjoy this one piece by Vhils made of sculpted brick wall with plaster and paint:

I also enjoyed the Stone IPA, the 9 o’clock Mexican and seeing three of our collective ex’s. Yeah, that wasn’t awkward.

Several street artists, including Shepard Fairey and Banksy, did public commissions around downtown, so def check them out if you’re in the area.