I just binge watched two seasons of Casual, and I can’t believe this lady is only supposed to be five years older than me.
In her defense, I get carded all the time. Also, some dude coaching youth track at the park during lunch last week asked me if I was in high school! Sir, if you’re trying to get me to join your track team, I’m in my thirties. And more importantly, I don’t run.
I’m pretty sure the victim in this episode stole my CD binder circa 2001.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
We were watching TV at my mom’s house over the holiday, and right after they showed this part, my aunt paused it, turned to me with a concerned look on her face, and was all like, “You know you can talk to me, right???” I meannnn.
#1 How dare you?
#2 This explains so much.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Further evidence that Mindy and I were separated at birth.
I caught up on seven episodes of How to Get Away with Murder with Pammie over the weekend. I’m dying to know what happens next, but I never watch this show by myself because I get too scared. I can’t wait till I’m home for Thanksgiving to find out who shot Annalise, so someone please come over when the new episode airs this Thursday!
Spoiler Alert: There will be frozen salmon from Costco (it’s the only thing I keep stocked in my fridge because holiday weight) and me with no pants on.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
…or me on a juice cleanse.
I’m doing it partly in preparation for all the BBQ and bad decisions I’ll be making in Austin next week, but mostly because I bet Anthony that I could lose twenty pounds by the time we went to ACL or I’d pay for his BBQ at Franklin. These last five pounds can’t be zumba’d off in a week, so I made a game-time decision to bring my juicer out of retirement yesterday.
I can’t wait to go on vacation! And also eat solid food again.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Mindy is back and still living my life, obviously.
I used to take Vicodin before getting a Brazilian (until I discovered the touch of an angel named Linda @ Viva Brazil – now @ The Wax Studio!).
I haven’t gone to the dentist in a year or two (or five). I used to buy groupons in lieu of dental insurance at my old job, and I had a habit of letting them expire before I could ever use them. I’ve had dental insurance for the past three years at my current job, and I don’t know what to tell ya. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
…or my belated attempt at getting that summer bods ready for Cabo.
10 more days!!!
|| Life is too short for shitty sex and bad relationships. So go find someone who fucks you right and treats you how you deserve to be treated.
In the venn diagram of men I’ve been involved with, these two qualities never overlap! :p
…or me when I get an email asking how I’m doing.
I either respond with 27 pages or I don’t respond at all. There is no in-between.
Also, my mom got me hooked on Mistresses, and Joss is my spirit animal, obviously.
Highlight of my day: After lunch with my coworkers @ Pitfire, the cute cashier slipped me a free jumbo chocolate chip cookie on my way out.
I met up with my coworkers outside afterwards, thrust my cookie in the air and was all like, “FREE COOKIE, BITCHES!” Our excitement was short-lived, though. When we got back to my car, I had two parking tickets—one for an expired meter (my friend paid the wrong one) and another for not having a front license plate (I mean, if my car was meant to have one, it would have come with holes drilled in it).
I owe the City of Manhattan Beach $96 for that free cookie!
You guys, The Mindy Project is over and so is my life.
Prepare for my gif collection to suffer.
I apologize to anyone who’s had the misfortune of traveling with me!
Countdown to Cabo:
- Flight and hotel booked ✓
- Passport renewed ✓
- Summer bods (pending)
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Add a box of girl scout cookies and you’ve got my plans for this weekend.
Anthony had me create my own profile on his Netflix account so that my chick flick recommendations wouldn’t get mixed in with his chick flick recommendations, obvi.
If only Amazon Prime had this feature so I could stop getting his beard oil recommendations for a healthier, kissable beard.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
I usually enjoy being on my back, but this is getting ridic.
I’ve been living off muscle relaxers, pain killers and salon pas for the past three weeks. The cause is still unknown, but I’m pretty sure I went too hard at the Paul McCartney show! Ha.
I’ve been stressed out at work lately, and the doctor thinks I might be carrying the stress in my back. If only he could write me a doctor’s note forbidding me to work overtime. It’s the least he can do, since he won’t prescribe me more vicodin!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
LA opened its first Dunkin Donuts today, so I’m halfway there, you guys!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
I obviously went too hard this past weekend. Somebody soup me.
If anyone can convince me to join Tinder, it’s Djengus Roundstone.
I hope the D’s not silent…
Darien waiting for a birthday surprise or channeling his inner Pennsatucky? You decide.
The power went out in my apartment building again last week! I was already running late, and I had to go back upstairs in the dark to tell the maintenance guy to manually open the garage gate so I could get to fucking work already. This has happened three times in less than two months! And these are only the incidents that I know of, because I spend less than 50% of my time in this apartment (unless a burglar is reading this, in which case I’m home all the time. Plus I always keep my sharpest pair of fabric scissors within reach. And I’m not afraid to cut you.)
Once I get my new car situation settled, I’m moving out of this overpriced shit hole and torching it on yelp!
I may or may not have binge-watched the entire new season of Orange is the New Black this past weekend.
…or when your plans get canceled because the power went out in your apartment building, and your car is stuck in the sub garage. Again.
Danny, you know my plan in an emergency is just to count to ten and wait for death’s embrace.
Further evidence that The Mindy Project is actually about my life!
Macarons, tea and my beansss!
OH MY GLOB <3 (@ Gallery 1988)
Monday, February 24, 2014
But would you throw your donut for me, be honest.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
One of my randoms who I haven’t seen or responded to in five years hit me up late last night. Who does that??? Please just forget about me, just like you seem to have forgotten that you have a girlfriend and babies at home.
I’m so sick of these fucks.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Looks like I’ve locked down my birthday plans for 2014! Just kidding. The Golden Globes are also on that night.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Oh my Milo. Mob City has arrived.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My Epicurious Thanksgiving Feast pinterest board won first place and an All-Clad Stainless Roasting Set just in time for the holidays!
Now if only I could figure out how to roast a turkey…
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Donuts help you realize what’s important in life.
Morgan Tookers is every guy I’ve ever been with.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
My coworker brought in Randy’s Donuts this morning because she wants to ruin my life, obviously.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
got my fan letter attracts the crazies.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Even though I just started watching Breaking Bad last month, I still feel like I’ve lost a friend. A brilliant, sociopathic, meth-cooking friend.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Just Adam Levine being the light of my life as usual.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
My work is hosting its third weight loss challenge this year, and I’m joining for the third time! It ends the week before Thanksgiving… just in time to
gain some holiday weight go shopping with my winnings ;) I’ve also decided to go gluten-free during the contest! Yikes. Thank yeezus for gluten-free vodka! I’m gonna need it…
Monday, September 9, 2013
You should be watching Orange is the New Black, if only for sound advice from Yoga Jones. (She was the voice of Patti Mayonnaise if that helps sway your decision at all.)
Friday, September 6, 2013
Jesus Christ, Marie. It’s called twerking!
Thank you, Miley Cyrus, for reminding me why I canceled my cable. I regret nothing! Also, after binge-watching all five seasons of Breaking Bad on Netflix over the past two weeks, I can now get back to my regularly scheduled life, yo!
I love that my new Apple TV allows me to stream episodes of Modern Family from my iPad mini to my HDTV while freeing up my macbook pro for some light internet stalking.
…or how I wake up my coworker when we have to work on a Saturday.
…or me watching the final episodes of The Office. I CAN’T EVEN.
OneRepublic – I Lived
It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could’ve been. Jim was five feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person, I’m really happy now. But it would just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, ‘Be strong. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast! Because life just isn’t that long!’
All my favorite vampire couples are breaking up. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the love between immortals. Why even bother setting up an OKCupid profile???
Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t be mad if this happened on the regs.
||I do try. I’m the one that never calls too often and acts like it’s no sweat. I’m the one that stays busy, a blip here and then there. You won’t find me anywhere too long beyond what is welcome. Right?
Truth is that I am uncool. Goofy when it’s harmless. Frightening when I lose footing. I’m terrified of being seen with my love hanging out.
I know. I’m fooling no one but myself. Everybody knows. Now. I got caught loving, longing, dancing well after the music stopped.
Oh, so that’s where you’ve been.
It’s like watching myself on TV.
LSP is my spirit animal. BUMPS ♥
All I want in life.
STEFAN: How does anyone ever seem to move on?
CAROLINE: I think that someday, you’ll meet someone new, and you’ll fall madly in love, and you’ll have moved on without even realizing it.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
This show is depressingly relatable. Also, you can get this book on Amazon.
(Don’t ask me how I know.)
Saturday, February 23, 2013
File under ‘reasons I can’t go out this weekend’.
Friday, February 22, 2013
You have nothing. You have a pile of secrets and lies, and you’re calling it love. And in the meantime, you’re letting your whole life pass you by while they raise children, and celebrate anniversaries, and grow old together. You’re frozen in time. You’re holding your breath. You’re a statue waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Living for stolen moments… you keep telling yourself they all add up to something real, because in your mind they have to, but they don’t. They won’t. They never will, because stolen moments aren’t a life. So you have nothing. You have no one.
– Olivia Pope, Scandal
Thursday, February 14, 2013
I regrettably opted for self-installation.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
9:30 in the morning might seem a bit early to chalk this day up as a loss, but I’m going to do it anyway. This does not bode well for my weekly weigh-in tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
The sound that came out of my mouth was not human.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
At last, an MTV show I can get behind.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
This makes me miss home.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
OLIVIA: I wait for you. I watch for you. My whole life is you. I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you. You own me, you control me, I belong to you…
FITZ: You own me! You control me. I belong to you. You think I don’t want to be a better man? You think that I don’t want to dedicate myself to my marriage? You don’t think I want to be honorable? To be the man you voted for? I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep without you. I wait for you, I watch for you. I exist for you. If I could escape all of this and run away with you? There’s no Sally and Thomas here. You’re nobody’s victim, Liv. I belong to you. We’re in this together.
I stayed home from work for a couple of days this week… partly because I have the flu, but mostly because I wanted to catch up on Scandal!
I may be a little late to this party, but how awesome is this show???
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Happy birthday to the oldest 32-year-old I know! Love you, Pammie ♥
Friday, December 14, 2012
…and I thought I was having a shitty week. Seriously, whose tooth is it, Michael???
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
I baked this chocolate babka over the weekend, and it tasted exactly like the chocolate strudel from Extraordinary Desserts! Even with my new stand mixer, food processor, and Pammie’s forearms, it took hours to make. I’m pretty sure time started moving backwards as I waited for this shit to rise (twice!). I literally pulled them out of the oven at 2am and was too tired to have my way with it till morning.
Here’s Martha Stewart’s recipe if you have two pounds of chocolate and five sticks of butter laying around. This recipe yields three loaves, so I think you should make some and share it with your neighbors. Especially if you live near me.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Apparently, by the time a woman hits 30, she loses about 90% of her eggs.
This may be the red devil in my belly speaking, but who wants to go halfsies on a
baby two-pack of First Response fertility tests???