Sick days are for Scandal marathons.
Bumble bio update: Must hate smoked BBQ beef ribs.
I just binge watched two seasons of Casual, and I can’t believe this lady is only supposed to be five years older than me.
In her defense, I get carded all the time. Also, some dude coaching youth track at the park during lunch last week asked me if I was in high school! Sir, if you’re trying to get me to join your track team, I’m in my thirties. And more importantly, I don’t run.
I’m pretty sure the victim in this episode stole my CD binder circa 2001.
We were watching TV at my mom’s house over the holiday, and right after they showed this part, my aunt paused it, turned to me with a concerned look on her face, and was all like, “You know you can talk to me, right???” I meannnn.
#1 How dare you?
#2 This explains so much.
Further evidence that Mindy and I were separated at birth.
I caught up on seven episodes of How to Get Away with Murder with Pammie over the weekend. I’m dying to know what happens next, but I never watch this show by myself because I get too scared. I can’t wait till I’m home for Thanksgiving to find out who shot Annalise, so someone please come over when the new episode airs this Thursday!
Spoiler Alert: There will be frozen salmon from Costco (it’s the only thing I keep stocked in my fridge because holiday weight) and me with no pants on.
…or me on a juice cleanse.
I’m doing it partly in preparation for all the BBQ and bad decisions I’ll be making in Austin next week, but mostly because I bet Anthony that I could lose twenty pounds by the time we went to ACL or I’d pay for his BBQ at Franklin. These last five pounds can’t be zumba’d off in a week, so I made a game-time decision to bring my juicer out of retirement yesterday.
I can’t wait to go on vacation! And also eat solid food again.
Mindy is back and still living my life, obviously.
I haven’t gone to the dentist in a year or two (or five). I used to buy groupons in lieu of dental insurance at my old job, and I had a habit of letting them expire before I could ever use them. I’ve had dental insurance for the past three years at my current job, and I don’t know what to tell ya. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In the venn diagram of men I’ve been involved with, these two qualities never overlap! :p
…or me when I get an email asking how I’m doing.
I either respond with 27 pages or I don’t respond at all. There is no in-between.
Also, my mom got me hooked on Mistresses, and Joss is my spirit animal, obviously.
Highlight of my day: After lunch with my coworkers @ Pitfire, the cute cashier slipped me a free jumbo chocolate chip cookie on my way out.
I met up with my coworkers outside afterwards, thrust my cookie in the air and was all like, “FREE COOKIE, BITCHES!” Our excitement was short-lived, though. When we got back to my car, I had two parking tickets—one for an expired meter (my friend paid the wrong one) and another for not having a front license plate (I mean, if my car was meant to have one, it would have come with holes drilled in it).
I owe the City of Manhattan Beach $96 for that free cookie!
You guys, The Mindy Project is over and so is my life.
Prepare for my gif collection to suffer.
I apologize to anyone who’s had the misfortune of traveling with me!
Countdown to Cabo:
- Flight and hotel booked ✓
- Passport renewed ✓
- Summer bods (pending)
Add a box of girl scout cookies and you’ve got my plans for this weekend.
Anthony had me create my own profile on his Netflix account so that my chick flick recommendations wouldn’t get mixed in with his chick flick recommendations, obvi.
If only Amazon Prime had this feature so I could stop getting his beard oil recommendations for a healthier, kissable beard.
I usually enjoy being on my back, but this is getting ridic.
I’ve been living off muscle relaxers, pain killers and salon pas for the past three weeks. The cause is still unknown, but I’m pretty sure I went too hard at the Paul McCartney show! Ha.
I’ve been stressed out at work lately, and the doctor thinks I might be carrying the stress in my back. If only he could write me a doctor’s note forbidding me to work overtime. It’s the least he can do, since he won’t prescribe me more vicodin!
LA opened its first Dunkin Donuts today, so I’m halfway there, you guys!
I obviously went too hard this past weekend. Somebody soup me.
If anyone can convince me to join Tinder, it’s Djengus Roundstone.
I hope the D’s not silent…
Darien waiting for a birthday surprise or channeling his inner Pennsatucky? You decide.
The power went out in my apartment building again last week! I was already running late, and I had to go back upstairs in the dark to tell the maintenance guy to manually open the garage gate so I could get to fucking work already. This has happened three times in less than two months! And these are only the incidents that I know of, because I spend less than 50% of my time in this apartment (unless a burglar is reading this, in which case I’m home all the time. Plus I always keep my sharpest pair of fabric scissors within reach. And I’m not afraid to cut you.)
Once I get my new car situation settled, I’m moving out of this overpriced shit hole and torching it on yelp!
I may or may not have binge-watched the entire new season of Orange is the New Black this past weekend.
…or when your plans get canceled because the power went out in your apartment building, and your car is stuck in the sub garage. Again.
Danny, you know my plan in an emergency is just to count to ten and wait for death’s embrace.
Macarons, tea and my beansss!
OH MY GLOB <3 (@ Gallery 1988)
One of my randoms who I haven’t seen or responded to in five years hit me up late last night. Who does that??? Please just forget about me, just like you seem to have forgotten that you have a girlfriend and babies at home.
I’m so sick of these fucks.
Looks like I’ve locked down my birthday plans for 2014! Just kidding. The Golden Globes are also on that night.
Oh my Milo. Mob City has arrived.
Now if only I could figure out how to roast a turkey…
Donuts help you realize what’s important in life.
Morgan Tookers is every guy I’ve ever been with.
I fear for Rick’s life.