After working twelve hours of overtime yesterday, I deliriously spent the rest of my night listening to the new Strokes album and watching pole dancing videos on YouTube with this clown.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
I REGRET NOTHING.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
I need new friends. Preferably with lower triglyceride levels and more years to share.
Friday, February 15, 2013
This is pretty much how the rest of my day went.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
BRB winning at life.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Um, of course my #choking playlist has Young the Giant on it… as does my workout playlist and my baby makin’ playlist. Just kidding. (I don’t have a workout playlist.)
Sunday, October 28, 2012
I’m horrible at returning messages… I currently have 403 unread emails in my inbox! If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I probably haven’t gotten to your email yet. (But if your name is Anthony, I’m really just ignoring you.)
Friday, August 17, 2012
| 12:48 PM | me: ugh i’m sooo over this fifty shades ppt |
| they keep making changes! | |
| 12:49 PM | Jesse: sup with the wack ppt presentation sup |
| me: lolol |
Chatting with you is the only thing I’m going to miss about work! It puts a smile on my face when you send me nick@nite texts and pictures of your 22″ hot dog, so try not to forget about me after I blow this popsicle stand!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Oh my glob, you guys!
You know I’m moving, not dying, right? Ha. I’m only going to be a couple hours away. Besides, I have a year’s worth of free Nothing Bundt Cake bundlets to claim from their Mission Valley store, so you know I’ll be down in SD at least once a month (if you thought I was leaving my voucher with one of you clowns, you were mistaken!).
Monday, July 16, 2012
You know things are bad when you start to consider the conductor of a park train and your friends are encouraging that shit!
Friday, July 13, 2012
| 4:06 PM | Jesse: Team USA: White Collar Is Your One-Way Ticket to Bomer Town |
| did i just hear a sigh as soon as you saw matt bomer? | |
| 4:07 PM | me: lol can you hear me smiling, too? :) |
Thursday, June 14, 2012
| 3:22 PM | me: why am i agreeing to all kinds of craziness these days |
| 3:23 PM | shi: coz saying yes to everything liberates you! |
| you’ll enjoy | |
| i promise | |
| no time like the present! | |
| 3:25 PM | me: how do i turn you off? :) |
Your sunshine is as blinding as ever, Shirley May.
Apparently, I’ve agreed to hike up Mount Woodson at an unholy hour on my day off tomorrow! I don’t even know who I am anymore…
Sunday, June 10, 2012
We’re pretty much the coolest people I know.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I’ve had to choose between sleeping and reading these past few nights, and the latter always prevails.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
That awkward moment when you realize you were listening to Taylor Swift when your private session timed out on Spotify.
| 11:08 AM | Jesse: hey you should check your spotify preferences…i saw your songs on fb yesterday =P |
| 11:19 AM | me: oh noes… |
| 11:28 AM | Jesse: haha oh yes |
Taylor Swift – Last Kiss
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All that I know is I don’t know how to be someone you miss
Friday, April 20, 2012
| 9:15 AM | me: she was talking about real housewives |
| and she was like | |
| if nene would just stop talking for one second | |
| 9:16 AM | Jesse: wait a second how do you know who that is and how you spell that name |
| me: um, i think i read it somewhere on the interwebs or something sometime…………. |
|
| 9:17 AM | Jesse: you should be ashamed |
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
| 2:28 PM | Jenni: we need someone to reenact the titanic pose for our facebook contest but no one wants to! |
| why dont you and jesse do it? :) | |
| 2:30 PM | me: absolutely not |
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
| 12:23 PM | Jesse: one of my cats at home will eat until it throws up |
| me: your cat is my spirit animal |
Monday, April 2, 2012
| 2:18 PM | me: tell me why i love that bf song |
| dammit biebs | |
| you got me | |
| 2:20 PM | Pamela: he sounds exactly like JT |
| me: i mean whyyyy is it not on spotify | |
| i have to listen to it on youtube like a savage |
Justin Bieber – Boyfriend
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Friday, March 23, 2012
| 3:14 PM | Jesse: this friday is lasting foreverrrr |
| 3:15 PM | me: i’m just gonna watch this zebra doing the running man for the rest of the day |
Oh, sweet jesus… there’s a video.
Monday, March 19, 2012
| 4:42 PM | me: what happened by the water cooler? |
| it looks like somebody’s water broke over there | |
| 4:43 PM | Jesse: c’mon man!!! |
Sometimes I feel bad for Jesse because he’s one of the only dudes in the office… but then I remember that he gets to work with me, and I don’t feel bad for him anymore! Ha ;)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Or… Belle, Jesse and me at happy hour last night.
| 4:06 PM | Jesse: i wonder what they were saying about her |
| me: idk dude, prob talking madddd shit | |
| 4:07 PM | Jesse: obvi nothing as clever or funny as what we say |
| me: well, obvi! |
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
| 3:16 PM | Jesse: this LMFAO spotify commercial is getting really old |
| me: i hate that fucking tony from buitoni pasta one | |
| Jesse: what?? i havent heard any pasta ads! | |
| 3:18 PM | me: are they tailored to what we listen to? |
| how do they know i like carbs? | |
| Jesse: HAHAHA |
Is it weird that I have half a baguette in my tote bag right now?
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
| 3:48 PM | me: i like this artist radio thing on spotify |
| i found this band called the perishers | |
| 3:49 PM | Pamela: oh cool, i don’t know them |
| me: they remind me of the cinematic orchestra | |
| 3:50 PM | Pamela: don’t know them either |
| lol i know peeps like honey cocaine | |
| 3:51 PM | me: i don’t even know who you are right now |
The Perishers – Sway
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Friday, January 27, 2012
Apparently, replying to tweets & pinterest comments isn’t talking! Ha. I love that when Skokie and I do talk, we speak in New Girl quotes.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.
If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.
| 3:18 PM | Jesse: so im going to the home depot parking lot in 15 minutes to buy nye tickets from dude off craigslist |
| me: i hope you have your gat strapped | |
| 3:21 PM | Jesse: if im not back in 30 minutes, call the police cuz ive likely been stabbed and robbed |
| me: can i have your white elephant gift if you don’t come back? | |
| 3:22 PM | Jesse: of course |
Friday, October 21, 2011
Some days, we only speak in movie quotes.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
| 9:06 AM | me: i’m going to the gym after work |
| Jesse: chuze or tkb at 24? | |
| 9:07 AM | me: tkb at 24 |
| i really just got chuze for the tanning and hydromassage | |
| none of which i’ve used, of course | |
| 9:08 AM | Jesse: i’m pretty sure you just got chuze so you could add another fitness laminate to your keychain |
| 9:09 AM | me: i meannn |
Can’t a girl have options???
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
JESSIE: Your turn, Mayan!
SHI: You’re having another sake bomb?
CHRISTINE: She’s had a rough week!
SHI: It’s only TUESDAY!
Friday, October 14, 2011
There’s an indirect correlation between the amount of work I get done and the number of gchats I have going at any given time. Today is Friday so… you do the math.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
| 1:01 PM | Shirley: I have a phone interview in the morning =) |
| 1:03 PM | me: yay! i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you |
| and my legs! | |
| Shirley: we all know how hard it is for you to keep your legs crossed =) | |
| me: ok maybe not my legs | |
| 1:05 PM | boo whore |
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
| 8:46 AM | Jesse: woman |
| go to the doctor | |
| 8:47 AM | me: i’m pretty sure i either have |
| a) bronchitis | |
| b) tb | |
| or c) the black lung, pop | |
| i’m hoping it’s c | |
| 8:49 AM | Jesse: dammit derek youve been down there one day |
| 8:50 AM | me: this is totally why we’re friends |
| Jesse: that and this |
Saturday, October 1, 2011
| 12:21 PM | Jesse: are your eyes a little misty |
| me: only if yours are………. | |
| Jesse: LOL | |
| 12:22 PM | me: did i ever show you this? http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/ |
| 12:23 PM | Jesse: i dont know if im equipped for this right now |
| im still fragile from that commercial, marion |
I watched this at work and cried silently at my desk. Just kidding. I was sobbing pretty loudly.
Monday, September 26, 2011
SHI: we were gchatting for five minutes and then he told me he had just gotten out of the shower and was butt naked the whole time he was talking to me!
ME: i mean, put some clothes on and then check your email! why was he gchatting naked?
SHI: i don’t know, why do you curl your hair naked?
ME: i hate you
Thursday, September 22, 2011
| 3:12 PM | me: he’s a beautiful man |
| Jesse: he looks like mario lopez here | |
| 3:13 PM | me: how dare you! |
And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love Mexicans 24 year olds Mark Sanchez.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
I won’t be able to make it, but there’s a “Party in Pink” zumbathon this weekend that benefits Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Research! Details here if you want to join the party. Dancer’s body optional.
Friday, September 9, 2011
| 8:48 AM | Jesse: i need to do laundry in a bad way |
| 8:49 AM | me: are you wearing granny panties right now |
| …because i am |
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
| 2:09 PM | Jesse: what the hell is this weather |
| me: someone turned the a/c off again! | |
| 2:10 PM | Jesse: heads will roll |
| me: that shit should always be on | |
| Jesse: seriously | |
| beezies can always put on a jacket | |
| 2:11 PM | we can’t strip down |
| not w/o being paid anyways |
Shit is about to get real up in here. I’m either going to cut a bitch or take my pants off.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Anytime I don’t feel Asian enough, I have dinner at Crab Hut followed by boba next door at Tapioca Express.
So… every weekend.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
There was no doubt that I woke up in a dude’s apartment this morning. Thirty or so empty craft brew bottles lined the mantle behind me. There was an outdoor patio set in the dining room, complete with a hole in the table for the absent umbrella. And to top it all off, my friend’s roommate offered me packets of ketchup to eat for breakfast. Ha! At least he made me coffee first.
Jesse and I agreed that if it wasn’t for my vagina, we’d have a serious bromance going on.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
me: i need a serious eyebrow waxing
pammie: you tell me you need something serious every time i see you
a serious eyebrow waxing
a serious hair cut
a serious cheeseburger
(looks at my eyebrows)
ooh. you DO need a serious eyebrow waxing.
me: seriously, right?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
| 9:06 AM | Jesse: that rape van has been parked outside for like two weeks |
| me: is there someone inside who needs our help? | |
| like in running scared… wait you’ve seen that right | |
| 9:07 AM | Jesse: mmm i dont remember that part |
| me: were you distracted by paul walker’s piercing blue eyes? | |
| i’m sure that was it | |
| Jesse: you know i must have been | |
| speaking of which | |
| 9:08 AM | i rewatched casino royale and quantum of solace with daniel craig |
| dude his eyes are like the color of windex | |
| me: omg there’s this movie i want to see | |
| with the transponder and clive owen | |
| 9:09 AM | Jesse: you mean the transporter? jason statham? |
| me: wait wait wait | |
| are you talking about daniel craig’s eyes right now lolol | |
| you know i was gonna say transporter, and then i was like no, it’s transponder… is that even a word |
Yes, I got Jason Statham confused with Chandler Bing. And yes, this pretty much sums up what the rest of my day at work looked like.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
| 4:08 PM | Jesse: is it gay that i’m listening to unchained melody? |
| 4:09 PM | me: i’m not gonna lie… it’s a little bit gay |
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Shi: I like this new Salvador film for the Hipstamatic app
me: (looking at her iPhone) Ooh. Like Salvador Dali.
Shi: Who?
me: Salvador Dali. The artist? That’s his mustache.
Shi: I don’t know who that is… I thought it was a bathing suit top!
Killing me, smalls.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
| 10:31 AM | Jesse: you smell cigs? |
| me: not over here | |
| just my own sweet aroma | |
| 10:32 AM | Jesse: close your legs |
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
| 10:41 AM | Jesse: you look mad skinny |
| i really noticed when you came over to help out angela | |
| i thought it was someone else! | |
| 10:42 AM | me: thanks, man :) coming from someone who sees me 40 hours a week, it’s nice that you noticed! |
| 10:43 AM | Jesse: for sure! lookin good :) |
In related news, Jesse is officially forgiven for writing this love note on my car:
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Me: they’re in for a serious rude awakening at the weigh-in tomorrow
Pammie: they’re gonna rue the day they met us bitches! rue!
Between the two of us, Pammie and I have lost over 25* pounds in this @MindzAlike #BLC so far! We don’t fuck around.
Six weeks to catch up, suckas.
*Update – 3/20/2011: 30 pounds now ;) What a difference a two-a-day can make…
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I’m not gonna lie—my ass is pretty crucial.
My friend Rome once told me that I had an onion booty, and if he bit it, he would cry.
It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Jesse: hipster alert
Me: what’s she wearing?
Jesse: all black. rivers cuomo glasses. lip ring.
Me: wait, are you talking about me or the girl who’s here for the interview???
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Errol: our boxing coach puts a 20 pound medicine ball on your lower back so you don’t put your butt up when you’re doing planks
Me: dude i totally put my butt up when it gets hard
Errol: that’s what she said!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I got my sexy new monitor at work today:
Jesse: all the girls were gushing when belle & jen got their flowers & balloons & shit
Me: oh for fuck’s sake… good thing i was off on monday
Jesse: it was pretty barftastic… not that we’re bitter or anything
Me: pfffft. who needs a man when i have 27″ right here in my face?
