mayanrocks » chat
I Woke Up Like This.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014

4:22 PM Deane: when do they start serving pancakes? i get here like at 8am anyway
  Zack: WHY DO YOU GET HERE AT 8AM. I’m not even awake at that point.
4:23 PM Deane: my equinox class starts at 6/6:15am errryday, son. i like waking up early. makes me feel good about myself. then i eat birthday cake pancakes and $1 french toast.
4:25 PM me: i woke up at 8:30 today
  went to sleep cute woke up cute gif - bad girls club
4:26 PM Zack: Marion you own the internet. Seriously. Its so impressive.
Pants Off.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014

TRADER JOE’S CASHIER: You just get out of work?

ME: Yeah, these heels are coming off as soon as I get home.

TRADER JOE’S CASHIER: I like to take my pants off right when I get home. I’m not even through the door yet, and I’m already unbuckling my belt.

You guys, I think I found the one <3

Monday, February 24, 2014

donut chat

FILE UNDER: Reasons why we’re single.

The Worst.
Monday, February 24, 2014

Have fun in SF, Deane! I won’t go to Glazed Donut Bistro without you.


glazed donut bistro - west hollywood

Braised Short Ribs.
Monday, February 17, 2014

croce's braised short ribs

new girl jess removed from the internet

Saturday, December 7, 2013

idntfd edgar sarmiento chat

Sunday, December 1, 2013

paul walker dead text

When my sister woke me up from my food coma to break the news of Paul Walker‘s untimely death yesterday, I thought I was dreaming. But then it became Facebook official, and everyone started texting me to make sure I wasn’t hanging from my shower rod.

On a scale of 1 to Dawson, how ugly is my cry face right now???

dawson ugly crying gif

Thunder From Down Under.
Thursday, November 7, 2013

thunder from down under mom chat

Happy 55th birthday to one crazy broad! At her birthday dinner last weekend, our waiter thought that my mom was my sister. He also didn’t card me when I ordered my vodka. #1 How dare you? (I have the face of a goddamn minor!) #2 I hope I look as young as my mom does when I’m in my fifties!

Monday, October 21, 2013

text butt dial
the biggest loser challenge caps lock omg michael

I love that Anthony answers my butt dials while he’s out protecting our homeland, even though I don’t answer his intended calls while I’m having a netflix marathon working! Ha.

Note to (Younger) Self.
Thursday, October 17, 2013

chat note to younger self

Speak On It.
Friday, October 11, 2013

fucking chat

If Anthony thought I was sleeping with someone every time I deliberately missed his calls, I would have screwed all of Manhattan Beach by now.

Secret Shame.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013

text trash

Either they haven’t cleaned my desk out since I left my last job (almost a year ago!), or some squatter has taken up residence underneath my old desk…

Mixed Up Kid.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013

alicia real text

I told the bestie to tell my favorite third grader that it’s easy to get confused… sometimes I have a little bit of both in me ;) Ha! Just kidding (I’ve never have Chinese in me).

Saturday, June 22, 2013

earl of lemongrab adventure time sexy lingerie

…or how I wake up my coworker when we have to work on a Saturday.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

mom call me asap text

When my mom texts me to call her ASAP, I expect there to be some kind of emergency. Like my grandma is back in the hospital. Or there’s a new episode of Scandal on that night and her DVR isn’t working again. Yes, she considers that an emergency. And yes, I inherited her flair for the dramatic, obviously.

She just wanted to make sure that I got her earlier text to stop by Porto’s and bring home a dozen potato balls when I visit SD this weekend. I meannn. She also thinks that since I live in LA, I’m close to everything in LA. It will probably take me an hour to get to Porto’s after work on a Friday night! She’s lucky I love potato balls her.

Disclaimer Questions.
Sunday, May 26, 2013

jessie email

These are obviously in order from least to most important.

The Pulse.
Sunday, April 21, 2013

idntfd edgar sarmiento tweet

After working twelve hours of overtime yesterday, I deliriously spent the rest of my night listening to the new Strokes album and watching pole dancing videos on YouTube with this clown.

Wrong Answer.
Friday, April 12, 2013



Thursday, March 28, 2013

chorizo text message

I need new friends. Preferably with lower triglyceride levels and more years to share.

Friday, February 15, 2013

valentine's day text message

This is pretty much how the rest of my day went.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

classic mayan

BRB winning at life.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

choking group text

Um, of course my #choking playlist has Young the Giant on it… as does my workout playlist and my baby makin’ playlist. Just kidding. (I don’t have a workout playlist.)

Sex Tape.
Sunday, October 28, 2012

sex tape text message the mindy project

I’m horrible at returning messages… I currently have 403 unread emails in my inbox! If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I probably haven’t gotten to your email yet. (But if your name is Anthony, I’m really just ignoring you.)

Friday, August 17, 2012

the one with monica's thunder joey acting young sup

12:48 PM me: ugh i’m sooo over this fifty shades ppt
they keep making changes!
12:49 PM Jesse: sup with the wack ppt presentation sup
me: lolol

Chatting with you is the only thing I’m going to miss about work! It puts a smile on my face when you send me nick@nite texts and pictures of your 22″ hot dog, so try not to forget about me after I blow this popsicle stand!

Drama Bomb.
Thursday, August 16, 2012

group text last days

Oh my glob, you guys!

You know I’m moving, not dying, right? Ha. I’m only going to be a couple hours away. Besides, I have a year’s worth of free Nothing Bundt Cake bundlets to claim from their Mission Valley store, so you know I’ll be down in SD at least once a month (if you thought I was leaving my voucher with one of you clowns, you were mistaken!).

All Aboard.
Monday, July 16, 2012

text train

You know things are bad when you start to consider the conductor of a park train and your friends are encouraging that shit!

Bomer Town.
Friday, July 13, 2012

matt bomer white collar

4:06 PM Jesse: Team USA: White Collar Is Your One-Way Ticket to Bomer Town
  did i just hear a sigh as soon as you saw matt bomer?
4:07 PM me: lol can you hear me smiling, too? :)
Potato Chip Cliff.
Thursday, June 14, 2012

potato chip cliff san diego

3:22 PM me: why am i agreeing to all kinds of craziness these days
3:23 PM shi: coz saying yes to everything liberates you!
  you’ll enjoy
  i promise
  no time like the present!
3:25 PM me: how do i turn you off? :)

Your sunshine is as blinding as ever, Shirley May.

Apparently, I’ve agreed to hike up Mount Woodson at an unholy hour on my day off tomorrow! I don’t even know who I am anymore…

Last Friday Night.
Sunday, June 10, 2012

game of thrones text

We’re pretty much the coolest people I know.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

fifty shades of grey texts

I’ve had to choose between sleeping and reading these past few nights, and the latter always prevails.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

modern family cam free wheelin'

That awkward moment when you realize you were listening to Taylor Swift when your private session timed out on Spotify.

11:08 AM Jesse: hey you should check your spotify preferences…i saw your songs on fb yesterday =P
11:19 AM me: oh noes…
11:28 AM Jesse: haha oh yes

Taylor Swift – Last Kiss
[audio: swift – last kiss.mp3]

All that I know is I don’t know how to be someone you miss

Friday, April 20, 2012

nene real housewives of atlanta

9:15 AM me: she was talking about real housewives
  and she was like
  if nene would just stop talking for one second
9:16 AM Jesse: wait a second
how do you know who that is and how you spell that name
  me: um, i think i read it somewhere on the interwebs or something
9:17 AM Jesse: you should be ashamed
Happy Hours.
Saturday, April 14, 2012

drunk text

Last night’s happy hour turned into eight hours of sangria swirl margaritas at La Puerta, sake snow cones at Gaijin, beers at Blind Lady Ale House, and vodka at The Ould Sod.

I def won’t be drinking tonight… or maybe ever again.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


2:28 PM Jenni: we need someone to reenact the titanic pose for our facebook contest but no one wants to!
  why dont you and jesse do it? :)
2:30 PM me: absolutely not
Spirit Animal.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012

fat cat rolling on back

12:23 PM Jesse: one of my cats at home will eat until it throws up
  me: your cat is my spirit animal
Monday, April 2, 2012
2:18 PM me: tell me why i love that bf song
  dammit biebs
  you got me
2:20 PM Pamela: he sounds exactly like JT
  me: i mean whyyyy is it not on spotify
  i have to listen to it on youtube like a savage

Justin Bieber – Boyfriend
[audio: Bieber – Boyfriend.mp3]

Friday, March 23, 2012

zebra running man animated gif

3:14 PM Jesse: this friday is lasting foreverrrr
3:15 PM me: i’m just gonna watch this zebra doing the running man for the rest of the day

Oh, sweet jesus… there’s a video.

The Big Spill.
Monday, March 19, 2012

water broke

4:42 PM me: what happened by the water cooler?
  it looks like somebody’s water broke over there
4:43 PM Jesse: c’mon man!!!

Sometimes I feel bad for Jesse because he’s one of the only dudes in the office… but then I remember that he gets to work with me, and I don’t feel bad for him anymore! Ha ;)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

jesse chat kill

crying face troll meme - this is why we're friends

Thursday, March 8, 2012

let's go shit on coworkers in a more informal setting - someecard

Or… Belle, Jesse and me at happy hour last night.

4:06 PM Jesse: i wonder what they were saying about her
  me: idk dude, prob talking madddd shit
4:07 PM Jesse: obvi nothing as clever or funny as what we say
  me: well, obvi!
Tote baguette.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012

tony from buitoni spotify ad

3:16 PM Jesse: this LMFAO spotify commercial is getting really old
  me: i hate that fucking tony from buitoni pasta one
  Jesse: what?? i havent heard any pasta ads!
3:18 PM me: are they tailored to what we listen to?
  how do they know i like carbs?
  Jesse: HAHAHA

Is it weird that I have half a baguette in my tote bag right now?

Honey Cocaine.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
3:48 PM me: i like this artist radio thing on spotify
  i found this band called the perishers
3:49 PM Pamela: oh cool, i don’t know them
  me: they remind me of the cinematic orchestra
3:50 PM Pamela: don’t know them either
  lol i know peeps like honey cocaine
3:51 PM me: i don’t even know who you are right now

The Perishers – Sway
[audio: Perishers – Sway.mp3]

Bonjour le peen.
Friday, January 27, 2012

new girl text

Apparently, replying to tweets & pinterest comments isn’t talking! Ha. I love that when Skokie and I do talk, we speak in New Girl quotes.

Oh, cruel world.
Thursday, December 22, 2011

anthropologie birthday discount

Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.

If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.

3:18 PM Jesse: so im going to the home depot parking lot in 15 minutes to buy nye tickets from dude off craigslist
  me: i hope you have your gat strapped
3:21 PM Jesse: if im not back in 30 minutes, call the police cuz ive likely been stabbed and robbed
  me: can i have your white elephant gift if you don’t come back?
3:22 PM Jesse: of course
The Other Guys.
Friday, October 21, 2011

the other guys

Some days, we only speak in movie quotes.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

chuze keychain

9:06 AM me: i’m going to the gym after work
  Jesse: chuze or tkb at 24?
9:07 AM me: tkb at 24
  i really just got chuze for the tanning and hydromassage
  none of which i’ve used, of course
9:08 AM Jesse: i’m pretty sure you just got chuze so you could add another fitness laminate to your keychain
9:09 AM me: i meannn

Can’t a girl have options???

Bombs away.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011

sake bomb riki sushi

JESSIE: Your turn, Mayan!
SHI: You’re having another sake bomb?
CHRISTINE: She’s had a rough week!
SHI: It’s only TUESDAY!

Friday, October 14, 2011


There’s an indirect correlation between the amount of work I get done and the number of gchats I have going at any given time. Today is Friday so… you do the math.

Fingers crossed.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
1:01 PM Shirley: I have a phone interview in the morning =)
1:03 PM me: yay! i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you
  and my legs!
  Shirley: we all know how hard it is for you to keep your legs crossed =)
  me: ok maybe not my legs
1:05 PM boo whore
The Black Lung.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011

i think i'm getting the black lung, pop - zoolander

8:46 AM Jesse: woman
  go to the doctor
8:47 AM me: i’m pretty sure i either have
  a) bronchitis
  b) tb
  or c) the black lung, pop
  i’m hoping it’s c
8:49 AM Jesse: dammit derek youve been down there one day
8:50 AM me: this is totally why we’re friends
  Jesse: that and this
You wanted to name him Salt.
Saturday, October 1, 2011

12:21 PM Jesse:  are your eyes a little misty
  me:  only if yours are……….
  Jesse:  LOL
12:22 PM me: did i ever show you this?
12:23 PM Jesse:  i dont know if im equipped for this right now
  im still fragile from that commercial, marion

I watched this at work and cried silently at my desk. Just kidding. I was sobbing pretty loudly.

Monday, September 26, 2011

SHI: we were gchatting for five minutes and then he told me he had just gotten out of the shower and was butt naked the whole time he was talking to me!
ME: i mean, put some clothes on and then check your email! why was he gchatting naked?
SHI: i don’t know, why do you curl your hair naked?
ME: i hate you

Dirty Sanchez.
Thursday, September 22, 2011

mark sanchez gq magazine

3:12 PM me: he’s a beautiful man
  Jesse: he looks like mario lopez here
3:13 PM me: how dare you!

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love Mexicans 24 year olds Mark Sanchez.

Party in Pink.
Thursday, September 15, 2011


I won’t be able to make it, but there’s a “Party in Pink” zumbathon this weekend that benefits Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Research! Details here if you want to join the party. Dancer’s body optional.

I’ve only got the skanky ones left.
Friday, September 9, 2011

The Sweetest Thing - I've only got the skanky ones left. Tell me about it, dude.

8:48 AM Jesse: i need to do laundry in a bad way
8:49 AM me: are you wearing granny panties right now
…because i am
Heat wave.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011


2:09 PM Jesse: what the hell is this weather
  me: someone turned the a/c off again!
2:10 PM Jesse: heads will roll
  me: that shit should always be on
  Jesse: seriously
  beezies can always put on a jacket
2:11 PM we can’t strip down
  not w/o being paid anyways

Shit is about to get real up in here. I’m either going to cut a bitch or take my pants off.

The Duchess.
Sunday, September 4, 2011

yelp duchess

Anytime I don’t feel Asian enough, I have dinner at Crab Hut followed by boba next door at Tapioca Express.

So… every weekend.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

jesse viva brazil

There was no doubt that I woke up in a dude’s apartment this morning. Thirty or so empty craft brew bottles lined the mantle behind me. There was an outdoor patio set in the dining room, complete with a hole in the table for the absent umbrella. And to top it all off, my friend’s roommate offered me packets of ketchup to eat for breakfast. Ha! At least he made me coffee first.

Jesse and I agreed that if it wasn’t for my vagina, we’d have a serious bromance going on.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

me: i need a serious eyebrow waxing
pammie: you tell me you need something serious every time i see you
a serious eyebrow waxing
a serious hair cut
a serious cheeseburger
(looks at my eyebrows)
ooh. you DO need a serious eyebrow waxing.
me: seriously, right?

Chanandler Bong.
Thursday, July 7, 2011

paul walker running scared

9:06 AM Jesse: that rape van has been parked outside for like two weeks
  me: is there someone inside who needs our help?
  like in running scared… wait you’ve seen that right
9:07 AM Jesse: mmm i dont remember that part
  me: were you distracted by paul walker’s piercing blue eyes?
  i’m sure that was it
  Jesse: you know i must have been
  speaking of which
9:08 AM i rewatched casino royale and quantum of solace with daniel craig
  dude his eyes are like the color of windex
  me: omg there’s this movie i want to see
  with the transponder and clive owen
9:09 AM Jesse: you mean the transporter? jason statham?
  me: wait wait wait
  are you talking about daniel craig’s eyes right now lolol
  you know i was gonna say transporter, and then i was like no, it’s transponder… is that even a word

Yes, I got Jason Statham confused with Chandler Bing. And yes, this pretty much sums up what the rest of my day at work looked like.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

thinking about mom

Heavy dose.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011

man the fuck up someecards

4:08 PM Jesse: is it gay that i’m listening to unchained melody?
4:09 PM me: i’m not gonna lie… it’s a little bit gay
Tuesday, July 5, 2011

salvador dali hipstamatic app

Shi: I like this new Salvador film for the Hipstamatic app
me: (looking at her iPhone) Ooh. Like Salvador Dali.
Shi: Who?
me: Salvador Dali. The artist? That’s his mustache.
Shi: I don’t know who that is… I thought it was a bathing suit top!

Killing me, smalls.

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