I can’t decide if the most memorable part of today was when the wedding singer dropped panties during cocktail hour, or when a wedding guest was taken away in an ambulance after one too many pot brownies ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My dear friend, Christine, is officially engaged! Just a year ago, we were livin’ la vida loca in Cabo, and now she’s got a baby and a fiancé! Time moves so quickly around here. It seems like only yesterday, Christine, Jessie and I were at Blind Lady talking about the crapshoot that was the three of us, and now I’m the last one standing! The only time I’ve ever felt bad about being single is when I got into a car accident this year and had to be rescued by someone else’s husband. I was standing there at the auto shop watching them lift my car up, and my best friend’s husband was there talking to the mechanic for me, and my heart sank. Partly because they told me how much it would cost to fix my alignment, but mostly because I forgot how nice it was to have someone there to help me.
The few single friends that I have are serial daters. Tinder, Bumble, OK Cupid… If there’s an app for it, they’re on it. And although I pretty much pioneered online dating 20 years ago with my first AOL boyfriend (LoL), I would still prefer to meet someone IRL. Even though most of the guys I meet in real life are assholes. My problem is that I like assholes. If Christine and that rock on her finger taught me anything, it’s that you don’t always end up with the kind of guy you’re used to being with. I definitely have a type. If they’re bearded, witty and/or an asshole, all the boxes are checked. Maybe if I go for a nice guy with a babyface who tells mediocre jokes, the outcome will be different. I guess I’ll never know since the guys my friends want to set me up with have girlfriends already! Ha.
I’ve always wanted to A) watch a show at Red Rocks and B) see Mumford and Sons live… Someday I’ll do both (just not any day soon). Mumford announced their one show in LA this year, and it just happens to be the day of my sister’s wedding! Boo whore.
I went wedding dress shopping with Pammie this past weekend. It was like an episode of Say Yes to the Dress, except I was the one tearing up! She looked so beautiful ♥
We took the dress back home to her condo where she suggested I try it on. Why not, right? It might be the only chance I get to wear a wedding dress! Ha. More than 24 hours have passed since I took that gorgeous gown off, and I am still dead inside.
I took a shotgun trip to Vegas this past weekend with my sister and her fiance to finalize plans for their wedding this November. I’m going to be the best maid of honor ever! Or at least the sexiest one… I’ll work that angle ;) Ha.
I’ve waited a hundred years
But I’d wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do
I don’t know if it’s the holidays, or my period, or the fact that I’m turning 30… but Jesus, I got emotional.
I may or may not have cried during this scene when I watched it for the first time at the theater on Friday. And again when I watched it on Saturday. And a third time while watching the bootleg I just downloaded today.
Chel’s stepmom threw her a bridal shower this weekend. It wasn’t half as crazy as the bachelorette party, but my aunts still dropped it low with bananas tied around their waists (is it just my dirty family, or do most of the games at your family parties involve bananas, too?). The highlight of my evening was when Chel’s baby brother found a leftover stripper dollar tucked in between the couch cushions.
Pammie, Shi and I gave Chel this Nixon watch she has been lusting after for years. I’m not sure why she was so surprised that I kept that email where she told us about it… I still have handwritten letters dating back to sixth grade. I also have 19 saved voice messages that I have to go through every time I get a new voice message on my cell phone. And my inbox is full of saved text messages, so I have to delete a text every time I get a new one. I’m the worst offender when it comes to hoarding things with sentimental value. And if you can’t understand why I can’t bring myself to delete my friend’s text message informing me of Michael Jackson’s death last year, then you are dead to me—I’m talking to you, Shirley May!
I woke up today smelling like baby lotion and Caress body wash with leftover dollar bills in my bra and a sudden urge to go to church. Here are some of the awesome things that happened at Chel’s bachelorette party last night in no particular order (other than most to least favorite):
Firefighter Tom from Alpine poured tequila down my shirt and did a body shot off my chest (among other things). Let it be known that I’m officially on the prowl for an east county white boy.
There was no shortage of penis-shaped food.
Preggo bartender Georja kept pumping out those test tube shots!
It was an 80s themed party and EVERYONE dressed up. Christine was my fave and looked just like my mom did in the 80s with her acid wash jean jacket and hairsprayed bangs.
The porno playing on TV throughout the whole night made it into the background of most of my photos.
I spent over $150 at the passion party. I don’t even spend that much on groceries! At least some of the products I bought were edible.
A lot of other things happened that I can’t mention—which is saying a lot considering I told you about that stripper licking tequila off my chest.
Here’s a PG-13 recap of the raddest bachelorette party ever:
[showtime width=435 height=326 transition=fade rotationtime=2 transitiontime=1 transitionease=none autoplay=on fullscreen=off scale=noscale showcontrols=on showtext=off showalt=on shuffle=off bgcolor=#FFFFFF]
I wasted an hour of my life looking for leg warmers at Parkway Plaza after work today. Are they hard to find because it’s summer or because it’s not 1983??? They’re essential to my outfit for Chel’s highly anticipated 80s/bachelorette/passion party this weekend, and I must have them! Preferably in purple!