Cheers to Alicia’s 36th birthday! 🍻 (@ California Adventure)

I spent 14 hours and $200 at the park, and all I took home was some dole whip cotton candy and a sunburn.

My mom flips bottles better than yours.
I hope I’m half this cool when I’m 58!

Birthday Blue Star Donuts for Mary (@ Venice Canals)

This peanut butter powdered donut with habanero blackberry jam will change your life.

Happy birthday with sprinkles on top! (@ California Donuts)

These donuts were almost as cute as my favorite 4-year-old ♥

Alicia’s birthday with these party animals (@ San Diego Zoo)

Homemade strawberry rhubarb birthday pie for my favorite pie-lover, Jessie!

Recipe from Smitten Kitchen.

Six of us were supposed to vacation in Portland, but new jobs, broken water heaters, half marathons and trips to Japan got in the way. Anthony and I obviously have nothing else going on in our lives, so the two of us spent our birthday weekend traveling the pacific northwest without those clowns!

One thing I love about Portland (and pretty much any other city besides LA) is the public transit system. You can get anywhere by light rail, street car, train or bus! The light rail took us straight from the airport to our hotel downtown for $2.50 (I’ve paid nearly $40 for a cab ride to LAX, and I only live 5 miles away!). What I also love about Portland is the food. OMG, the food. They are known for their food trucks, and our hotel was a couple blocks away from a group of like 20 or so of them at Alder Food Carts. I’ve been wanting to eat at Nong’s ever since I saw her on Chopped, and it was the first of many good meals we had that weekend.

Friday was Anthony’s birthday, and he wanted to go to McMenamins Kennedy School for drinks. It used to be an elementary school, but they converted it into a hotel/brewery. We had drinks in the boiler room, and I got sloppy hoping Jordan Catalano would show up to no avail.

Our friend Mark lives in Portland, and we met up with him for some late night eats at Biwa. He took us to some hipster bar called Bar Bar afterwards where we met some of his designer friends. Apparently, there’s a lot of job opportunities up there! Something to consider while I’m sitting in LA traffic…

Saturday was for snoozing. We slept in and hit up the farmer’s market around noon. When we couldn’t find the Pine State Biscuits booth, we decided to have lunch at Lardo, but not before having some pre-meal crepes at C’est Si Bon. The crepes were a mistake. And so were the donuts that followed at Blue Star. We somehow rolled ourselves back to the hotel and were in a food coma for the rest of the rainy afternoon. Everyone in Portland was watching the Seahawks playoff game, and we slept through half of it.

When we woke up, Anthony left to work out at the hotel gym, and I ventured out on my own to see the Portland Stag Sign without telling him. It’s no secret that I get lost easily, so he decided early on that he would navigate and I was to stay at his 8 o’clock at all times. I tried to take the bus by myself, got off at the wrong stop and found myself in BUMSVILLE. I eventually found my way back to the hotel, but not before Anthony returned from the gym. He was just coming to terms with the idea that I had been abducted when I walked through the door with a bag of hot cheetos and this photo. He was not amused.

I passed by Voodoo Doughnut on my way back. This bum in front threw his half eaten donut on the ground and started following me! I barely escaped with my life.

We had drinks at Whiskey Soda Lounge while we waited for our table at Pok Pok that night. FYI if you’re only going to Pok Pok for their famous wings, you can skip the wait and get them at Whiskey Soda Lounge instead. Or if Portland is too far, you can come visit me when they open a Pok Pok LA this spring ;) It definitely was everything the internet promised it would be.

Sunday was probably my favorite day, and we didn’t even spend it in Portland! We took an impromptu trip to Seattle and did every touristy thing we could fit into five hours. We ate the best clam chowder at Pike Place Chowder (and pre-meal empanadas at El Mercado Latino), dodged fish at Pike Place Fish Market, visited the first Starbucks, tested our gag reflex at the Gum Wall in Post Alley, went to the top of the Space Needle, and rode the Great Wheel. And this is where I found out this foolio is afraid of heights. The proof is in the video.

After spending six hours on the train that day, I showered back at the hotel before we met up with Mark and his friends for drinks at Dig a Pony. If I knew we were going to end up at a strip club later that night, I would have waited to shower afterwards! Ha. Apparently, Portland is the strip club capital of America, and no trip is complete without visiting one. Anyway, here are some dollars that Anthony let some girl pick up with her tits while we ate tater tots. No bigs!

Monday was my birthday and our last day in Portland. We had a bloody mary brunch at Tasty ‘n’ Sons, beers at Hopworks Bike Bar, doughnuts at Voodoo Doughnut, and coffee at Stumptown. I was really sick that day (Was it all the public transportation or was it the strip club? Who really is to blame???). I’m still sick two weeks later, so it’s taken me a while to get my life together and update this thing.

When we got back to Anthony’s house that night, Pammie and Christine came over with birthday burritos from Lolita’s! It was a great end to what Anthony refers to as “the time of my life.” He wishes!

Pammie’s birthday brunch (@ Great Maple)

When asked if I want a big ass pickle inside my bloody mary, the answer is always yes.

Who wore it better? (@ Waypoint Public)

DIY Donut Balloons for my favorite 3-year-old!

Tajin margarita (@ James Republic, Long Beach). Happy birthday, Karey!

Where the churros at???

Good advice from the birthday girl who gave me this print last Christmas ♥

Looks like I’ve locked down my birthday plans for 2014! Just kidding. The Golden Globes are also on that night.

You celebrate your own birthday on someone else’s birthday one time, and no one ever lets you forget it! Ha.

Happy 55th birthday to one crazy broad! At her birthday dinner last weekend, our waiter thought that my mom was my sister. He also didn’t card me when I ordered my vodka. #1 How dare you? (I have the face of a goddamn minor!) #2 I hope I look as young as my mom does when I’m in my fifties!

Happy birthday to my favorite hipster ♥

Happy 2nd birthday to my favorite chumbawamba!

Uncle Anthony says that you color like how Auntie Mayan drives (how dare he!), but keep coloring outside the lines, kid… Life’s more interesting that way ♥

Back to the scene of the crime! Birthday shots at Bub’s with the birthday girl last night. It felt good to be home ♥

Dinner and drinks at Whisknladle with my loves last night! 31 feels a lot like 30.

Happy birthday to the oldest 32-year-old I know! Love you, Pammie ♥

Chel’s birthday brunch at Prepkitchen last Sunday!

(Photo courtesy of @instapammie—I was too busy getting served by Anthony to take any pictures! Ha.)

I have exactly one week to learn these dance moves before my grandma’s birthday party.

Chel‘s parties are always pinterest-worthy, and Darien’s first birthday was no exception! Old Poway Park is an awesome place to have a kid’s birthday party (preferably if your kid was born between the months of October and May—I was sweating like a whore in church!).

Here’s a baseball-themed birthday invitation I designed for my favorite little slugger ♥

More from my design portfolio here.

Happy 1st birthday to my favorite chumbawamba!
Your Jim Halpert impression is flawless, kid ♥

Happy 30th birthday to the dirtiest sanchez I know!

Welcome to the club, old whore ♥

My ex invited me to his birthday party next weekend where he plans to resurrect the infamous rocket. I’m pretty sure I left my beer bonging days where I left my ex-boyfriend… in 2005 where they belong!

Million dollar margaritas with Trace last night! Happy birthday and happy Hunger Games! May the odds be ever in your favor :)

Christine and the birthday girl before she got kicked out of El Camino last night! Happy birthday, Jessie!

Happy 29th birthday, Gus (that’s short for “Me gusta Jess!”). Enjoy your last year in your twenties! After this, it’s all darkness. Ha!

Since I didn’t instantly turn into a little old troll under a cave when the clock struck midnight on my 30th birthday, I abandoned my original plan to hide under my bed all weekend and celebrated instead:

• Pink champagne to toast my dirtieth at work, courtesy of my boss
• Pammie’s CMYK balloons made my little design nerd heart race
• European Cake Gallery cake with a message from Gloria from Modern Family! Ha. It was just as good as last year’s message from the cast of Saved by the Bell.
• Pizza and beer at Blind Lady Ale House to celebrate Anthony’s, Christine’s, and my birthday week! The only sausage I had that night was the chorizo on my artisan pizza, Shirley May =P
• Moscow mules at El Camino and a Seau sighting at Lucha Libre with Christine, Pammie and Jessie
• I made a wish on my creme brulee and practiced my indoor voice at Donovan’s for Restaurant Week with Pammie, Chel and Shi.

I made it through my 30th birthday relatively unscathed with a little help from my friends and a lot of liquor ;) Thanks for a great weekend, loves ♥

Dear Anthony,

Thank you for taking me out for beers on your birthday. I was one beer away from jocking you hard into a half mouth kiss. LOLOL. That’s so ugly. My stomach hurts from laughing all night. You really are a beacon for lost souls, if only my own. Happy birthday, friend!

Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.

If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.

Awesome gifts come in awesomely designed packages ;)

I officially have one month left to make some bad decisions. Where did my life go???

Happy birthday to my BFF at work! I didn’t come in an hour early to post-it bomb just anyone’s desk ;) My appreciation for you runs deeper than your secret love for Hootie and the Blowfish. And I think we both know just how deep that is. Ha!

My favorite band on my favorite sister’s birthday in my favorite sister’s city?!

To celebrate Chel’s 30th birthday, we went to Skateworld to roll bounce the night away! Just kidding. We only skated for an hour, if that. My nearly 30-year-old body was winded after a few laps. Ha.

For one of the most refreshingest mothas on the planet…

Happy 31st birthday to Jay, a dear friend who was dirty long before he was thirty. He also thinks that 31 is the new 21. Please don’t encourage him…

Happy birthday, Skokie!

At Alicia’s dirty thirty last night, I realized that A) I should just automatically assume that every guy who pursues me is in a relationship (as my ongoing track record suggests) and B) maybe I shouldn’t have worn leggings. I can’t even tell you how many people grabbed my ass! I went home alone last night and I’m not gonna lie, I feel pretty good about not having to take a shame shower. I don’t care how hot you are (or how drunk I am), some guys just aren’t worth the trouble… I may have woken up this morning with dollar bills in my bra and a serious hangover, but at least I still had my dignity!

This must be how Reese Witherspoon felt in Pleasantville when she started reading books and stopped being such a whore.

Going to Chez Nous and not getting a spicy chicken melt is like going to Outback and not getting steak. Today, I did both.

My coworker’s husband brought me a fruit salad for lunch instead of my usual spicy chicken melt, and for a delicious second, I thought that the nectarine strips were fries. After work, I went to Outback for Alicia’s birthday dinner and ate grilled fish while everyone (including the 7-year-old sitting next to me) ate steak.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Things I loved about my birthday:

• Sushi at Ra
• 30 Seconds to Mars show with the girls
• Celebrating my 29th with Christine’s 30th!
• The 188.9 miles Pammie drove to spend my birthday with me
• Jessie remembering that I don’t like buttercream frosting
• The laptop desk that Shi and Chel gave me (and the way its microsuede cushion feels on my bare thighs)
• The 1×2" MS Paint printout of my gelaskin that’s arriving in the mail
• The lotto scratchers that Jay gave me and the whopping $14 I won off of them
• The Amazon gift card that Jessie and Christine gave me and the four pounds of protein powder I bought with it
• The dominant homeless woman on 5th Avenue
• The voice mail from my favorite Mexicans singing me happy birthday
• Shi singing “Viva Las Vegas”
• Officer Dick

One year left in my twenties, ya’ll. Hope it’s a good one!

Happy 31st birthday to my old friend Jed, the only person who replied to my Craigslist ad about my dining set:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY — AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

I can also offer 80 bucks but it’s in confederate money. I don’t know if it’s still good.
E-mail me back here. I can pick up anytime today.

I’m still waiting for my picture of a bike. In .jpg format.

You told me I was just like you the other day, and I can’t think of a better compliment ♥