At Alicia’s dirty thirty last night, I realized that A) I should just automatically assume that every guy who pursues me is in a relationship (as my ongoing track record suggests) and B) maybe I shouldn’t have worn leggings. I can’t even tell you how many people grabbed my ass! I went home alone last night and I’m not gonna lie, I feel pretty good about not having to take a shame shower. I don’t care how hot you are (or how drunk I am), some guys just aren’t worth the trouble… I may have woken up this morning with dollar bills in my bra and a serious hangover, but at least I still had my dignity!

This must be how Reese Witherspoon felt in Pleasantville when she started reading books and stopped being such a whore.

Most of E’s party was spent trying to keep Vince’s baby from crying while resisting the urge to go back to the taco truck for seconds. I didn’t succeed at either.

Congrats to the Del Rosarios! By the end of the night, my feet were killing me, my false eyelashes had gone rogue, and my hair had grown ten times bigger, but it was seriously the best wedding ever, and I was honored to be a part of it. Love you both ♥

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While I was breaking off Jay on the dance floor, Anthony cut in and they started dancing with each other. True story.

I woke up today smelling like baby lotion and Caress body wash with leftover dollar bills in my bra and a sudden urge to go to church. Here are some of the awesome things that happened at Chel’s bachelorette party last night in no particular order (other than most to least favorite):

1. Firefighter Tom from Alpine poured tequila down my shirt and did a body shot off my chest (among other things). Let it be known that I’m officially on the prowl for an east county white boy.
2. There was no shortage of penis-shaped food.
3. Preggo bartender Georja kept pumping out those test tube shots!
4. It was an 80s themed party and EVERYONE dressed up. Christine was my fave and looked just like my mom did in the 80s with her acid wash jean jacket and hairsprayed bangs.
5. The porno playing on TV throughout the whole night made it into the background of most of my photos.
6. I spent over $150 at the passion party. I don’t even spend that much on groceries! At least some of the products I bought were edible.

A lot of other things happened that I can’t mention—which is saying a lot considering I told you about that stripper licking tequila off my chest.

Here’s a PG-13 recap of the raddest bachelorette party ever:
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I had such a good time last night. I wasn’t expecting to celebrate Halloween, but Il Postino wanted to take me out. Yes—he’s back in my life. Again. I spent the whole summer without him, just focusing on myself for once. I mean, I lost forty pounds! By losing all that weight, I thought I would somehow gain a better life. But I still thought about him. I guess he still thought about me, too.

More Halloween photos here.

Whenever I exchange E-mails with Pammie, Chel and Shi, our conversations always revolve around the same topics: bitches, assclowns and our love for frozen yogurt. Chel and Shi have been raving about this place in SD that rivals Pinkberry, so we finally got together on Thursday night and had ourselves some fro-yo (while talking about bitches and assclowns). A great start to a pretty fuckin’ awesome weekend, I must say. We hit up Riley’s for drinks afterwards where Chel’s boyfriend was spinning and met up with some friends I haven’t hung out with in forever. The boys and I caught up over late night munchies at Denny’s and headed back to the valley for a short hookah session at E’s house before passing out at home.

When I woke up the next morning afternoon, I found out that Dino DeMilio was using the illustration I made of him as his default image on his Myspace aaaaand he credited it to mayanrocks.com! A lot of members created dollar graphics in honor of Dino and the Divide Social Club, but I wanted to put my spin on it. I drew his head in Illustrator and morphed it into an Obey homage to The Godfather. Fitting, isn’t it? I thought so. I’m honored that he put it on his Myspace. You won’t have access to their pages since they’re private, so here’s a photo of Dino, Milo and Russ of the DSC. YOWZA.

Julz and Jay’s birthday bash at Heat Supper Club was the highlight of my weekend. I’m usually anti-downtown when it comes to partying. I’d much rather chill at a dive bar than anywhere on Fifth. HOWEVER, all that was forgotten once I was introduced to bottle service. And roped off VIP booths. And microsuede walls. I pretty much had the time of my life that night… and I’ve got 500 pictures to prove it (cut down to a little more than half that after I deleted all the drunken, blurry pictures of nothing). Too bad I’m not in any of them since I was the drunkie snapping away all paparazzi status. I guess you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.

We continued Julz’s birthday celebration at Morena Club on Saturday night. It was pretty low key… Just our group of friends celebrating on familiar territory. Julz threw up, of course, but he surprisingly wasn’t tied up this year! Not yet, anyway (maybe in Vegas this weekend). We ate breakfast at Tyler’s afterwards and went home to rest up for our softball game on Sunday. I wasn’t planning on playing, since I had work later that afternoon, but they needed a catcher. I was wearing a jean skirt and flips flops, so I was the obvious choice. I was just there to get my tan on before work! I told them I didn’t like balls flying at my face, but I ended up playing anyway. I always find myself in Eastlake on days that Chick-Fil-A is closed. It’s probably for the best.

So I can’t wait till this weekend. Having limited time with my friends lately has made me miss them.

…

I’ll probably be bitching about them when I come home from Vegas.