I’m annoyed by girls who wear Coach signature shoes to match their Coach signature purse (and their Coach signature belt and fedora… and sometimes… when it’s raining… their Coach signature umbrella). I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, while my boyfriend owns a Lacoste polo shirt in every conceivable color. My friends are shoe heads who spend hundreds of dollars on limited edition Nikes, while I’ve worn the same pair of Vans for more than a year (and before that, a pair of Converse shoes that I retired after two years because water would seep through the holes and soak my socks when it rained). Now that I’ve tried to convince you that I’m anti fashion, let me negate all that by exposing my guilty obsession with Gucci sunglasses. I ♥ them! I’m so ashamed. I’ve had the same pair of Guccis for four years. I still wear them even though my prescription changed two years ago. I’ve been looking for another pair to replace them, and I’ve found the perfect ones. I’ve spent hours staring at them online to feed my obsession… and now I’ve just seen Kanye West rocking them. I must have them!
It’s raining. Again. Luckily, I don’t have work or school this week, so I can stay off the roads as much as possible. I have to put air in my tires later today so I’m reading instructions because this is something I’ve never done before! I was going to have Edgar do it, but he has work… Maybe I’ll have Jay do it later ;) I’ll probably give myself flat tires if I attempt to do it on my own. Anyway, I’m home from Texas. That was the longest weekend of my entire life. We drove 24 hours straight to and from Texas (well I didn’t drive, of course). We saw Roxy for like.. two seconds. She got married, had the reception at her husband’s house, then left the reception to consummate her marriage before I could even have cake! LOL. Oh, man. Let me tell you about TEXAS. It is the wackest state I have ever step foot in! The groomsmen asked us if we wanted to go clubbing with them (I use the term lightly). We were like, F*CK YEAH! The night was still young. We decided to skip South Padre Island where all the spring breakers were partying, because it would have taken us two hours to get there. We hit up a local club called GRAHAM Central Station… WTF. It had a $6 cover charge and six different rooms. There was karaoke, 70s, salsa, country, hip hop and some other one I can’t remember. We stayed in the hip hop room and the DJ rotated the SAME four tracks! There were people in COWBOY HATS dancing to hip hop. Most of the people couldn’t dance. There was this girl that had to be at least 250 pounds wearing this bathing suit with strategic cut outs dancing with her rolls flapping about… and no one thought this was disturbing but us. The only thing good about the club were the $2 test tube shots… which I couldn’t drink because I was the DD for the night. I hope you had a good time, b*tches! Haha. I definitely needed some alcohol to enjoy myself at this place… Texas is also full of Whataburger fast food joints, so we decided to try it. Shi placed her order first for cheese fries. Then the rest of us placed orders after her for entire meals. We all got our food before her and I even ate my whole meal by the time she got her food. She asked them where her food was, and they brought it to her table. They gave her a box of fries and a SLICE OF CHEESE in a wrapper. OH HELL NO. We couldn’t stop laughing over that shit. I guess cheese fries has a different meaning over there. As if this trip couldn’t get any worse, Edgar got a speeding ticket on the way home for doing 80 in a 70. The cop had his lights turned off and was facing the opposite directing of traffic and right when we passed his covert ass, he turned his lights on and turned around and followed us. I don’t know about New Mexican laws, but you have to at least have your parking lights on and be visible to passing cars if you’re a cop in California. He was like… You have two options. You can plead guilty and mail in $80 for your ticket, or contest it in court. Like Edgar’s gonna drive TWELVE hours to New Mexico to contest an $80 ticket! Then, to add more salt to the wound, Edgar’s friends called him up and said that they partied with C.S. Keys at Harrah’s for his FOX sports show and got drunk with him in the limo he picked them up in… all while Edgar was having a horrible weekend and just got a speeding ticket… Then they told Edgar that C.S. Keys invited them to do it again on April 2nd… and he can’t go again because he RSVP’d to go to a paid-dinner family party with me at the Double Tree Hotel. He must REALLY hate being my boyfriend right now LOL.
I was watching Unwrapped and they said that gelatin is made of the collagen in cow or pig bones, hooves, and connective tissues… *THROWS UP* Gelatin is in Jell-O, cream cheese, cake frosting, marshmallows and my candy of choice… GUMMYBEARS. I don’t know if I can eat them now. I’m repulsed beyond belief.
Anyway, Chicago was LOVELY. I’ve never been so effin cold in my life! I miss the snow. I miss my seester. I miss eating at White Castle (don’t be jealous, b*tches!). I don’t miss the airplane rides, though (or O’hare airport!). I f*cking hate riding on airplanes. I’m not good at sitting still for long periods of time… especially in cramped spaces… where my hair sticks to the walls from all the static… and the stewardesses spend 99% of their time in first class (where Josh Kalis – a pro skateboarder – was sitting and eating a McFlurry! Damn, you’re FLY!). I don’t know how my sister does it. Flying to different cities and working all the time and living out of a suitcase. I’m immobile as f*ck. I would make a horrible military wife, because I would hate to move around… find a new job… adjust to the weather… San Diego has ruined me. Pammie is so damn SUCCESSFUL! Flying me to see her in Chicago. Buying me anything I want. I’m so jealous! I’m terribly poor and STILL in college and STILL living off of my parents. I need to get to PAMMIE status, so I can get out of Stone Point and start the next phase in my life. I really need to get my shit together. Pammie’s looking into buying a house here in San Diego while I’m wondering whether or not I have 75¢ to buy me a mall employee-discounted drink at Cinnabon during my break at work. Wow, that’s just sad. Anyway, all I’m hoping for is that I get accepted into CSU Fullerton this fall… since that’s the ONLY university I applied to. If I don’t get in, I’m toast! My father is DEATH when it comes to my studies.
…I don’t want to talk about school anymore. I wanted to blog about my Chicago trip and instead I’ve talked about cow hooves and discounted soda. I had a blast! It was the weekend before St. Patrick’s Day and there’s a HUGE Irish population there. Everyone gathered downtown to DYE THE RIVER GREEN. Is that madness, or what? There were two parades and everyone was sporting green. We shopped on Michigan Avenue, visited the Michael Jordan statue at United Center, went to an expo at Navy Pier, ate a Chicago hot dog (but no deepdish pizza… too hardcore!), went to Wicker Park and saw Kurt Halsey’s beautiful art in person, ate White Castle like Harold and Kumar, freezed our asses off and when we got tired, we went back to the hotel and watched Law and Order: SVU. LOL. Just like home. I’m going to Texas in a couple days for Rox’s wedding. After this weekend, it’ll be nice to be on spring break back home in San Diego for a while… March has been a crazy ass month for me.
So last night we all gathered at Errol’s house (sans Pammie and Meehchelle) to watch the Big Bear video. OMG. Effin HILARIOUS! The camera was on at times we weren’t aware, so we were caught doing some pretty funny shit! WOP! Hahahahaha. How gay was it to be filmed while we posed for like 50 timed camera shots? Too bad the camera wasn’t on when Meehchelle, Julz and Pammie slipped and fell on their butts! It’s so painful to watch yourself on TV. The camera adds like ten pounds, too (how many cameras were on me?). I kept thinking… Is that what I look like? Anyway, we’re trying to get Rome to hook us all up with DVDs of the VHS tape… Someone told me this could be done ;) I f*cking ♥ technology. Right now I’m loving life (most parts, anyway). Looking forward to my weekend in CHICAGO with Pammie! My mom just came home right now and gave me some thermal underwear for the trip. X-LARGE MEN’S thermal underwear. For the love of God! She said it was the smallest size they had… and it was on clearance. Ah, who cares. I’ll wear baggy thermal underwear under my clothes as long as I get to do it in CHICAGO!
Best weekend EVER! I had SO much fun in Big Bear with Pammie, Edgar, Gerald, Meehchelle, Vince, Tracee, Julian, Errol, Jay and Brian. We met up at Edgar’s house around three in the morning and got to Big Bear around 6 a.m. I almost threw up from all the curvy roads driving up the mountain (you weren’t kidding, Chel!). I was seriously dry heaving in the Starbucks bathroom. We stopped on the side of the road to take pictures of the beautiful snow and people were injured! LOL LOL LOL. Meehchelle was the first one to slip and fall on her butt… Julian slipped on the ice, scraped his arm, and slid halfway under the van… Pammie was so distracted laughing at Julian that she lost her balance and slipped also. Haha. We were a little early for the slopes so we stopped by our cabin to check it out. “Our Place” was so cute with it’s little bobsled course on the side of it. We went to Bear Mountain afterwards… just up the street from our cabin! It took Pammie and Meehchelle ten years to get their rentals, so Edgar, Jay and I waited for them while the rest of the set hit up the slopes. Errol, Julian, Brian and Vince turned into pro-snowboarders in the hour it took us to get everything settled. WTF? This was my third time snowboarding, and I still sucked hardest core. Meehchelle and I have accepted the fact that we are uncoordinated and anti anything that requires physical skill. Haha. Gerald did his best to instruct us, but I almost took him down the mountain with my ungraceful ass. All the while, Pammie and Tracee and the boys were zooming past us like effin pros! Meehchelle and I are scared of breaking our legs and dying, so I think our fear keeps us from being able to snowboard. That and our lack of balance. We decided that we were over boarding and headed down the slope to chill with Jay (who refused to snowboard because he almost cracked his sternum in half the last time we went!). We ate some $10 Disneyland meals and took some much needed naps in the lodge. Everyone gathered around mid-afternoon to go back to the cabin. It was snowing really hard at this point and the toasty cabin was so comforting. We all took showers (some of ours were ICE COLD…. Thanks, JULIAN!) and chilled for the rest of the night. Jay made us spaghetti and we made s’mores in the fireplace. Pammie bought like ten thousand Hershey bars from the market down the street LOL. It was like we were at home. We rocked the Magic Mic, smoked hookah, played poker and drank. I fell asleep on the couch during Julian’s rendition of some Time Life Soul song and woke up at 11 p.m. thinking that it was four in the morning. We were all so tired from not sleeping the night before and being out in the snow all day. Everyone decided to go to sleep, so Gerald and Ed slept downstairs while the rest of us went upstairs to get ready for bed. I wasn’t sleepy since I had just woken up from my nap, so I went downstairs to make some hot chocolate. Brian, Julian and Errol were in the kitchen wide awake, too. I could hear Pammie, Jay and Meehchelle laughing their asses off upstairs. I guess we weren’t going to sleep after all. I went upstairs and had some hilarious times that will remain unmentioned! Errol and Julian went in our room because we were loud as f*ck. Julian kept saying, “Let’s go sledding!” Crazy ass! It was like 30 degrees out and pitch black. We found a birthday card from 1999 in one of the books in the room and were freaked out. We also saw this blank VHS tape downstairs and were afraid to see what was on it. Pammie, Meehchelle and I were convinced that our cabin was haunted. We tried to go to bed after that, but we heard some scary shit in the walls and I was like, “Meehchelle, is that you?” and she was like, “NO! What the hell was that?” and so we opened the light (LOL Meehchelle) and left it on for the rest of the night. I woke up at six in the mother effin morning to Meehchelle saying, “Mayan, isn’t that your phone?” because the alarm on my cell phone was going off downstairs. Dammit! I couldn’t go back to sleep and my alarm had woken up only Gerald LOL. We made breakfast while everyone slowly started waking up. Julian and Edgar snowboarded off some sweet jumps outside while Meehchelle and Vince built an Asian snowman. The rest of us got our stuff together and cleaned the house. Before we left, we took solo pictures with a big, black cock (literally) and group shots in front of the cabin and with the snowman. I miss that place already! On our way home, we stopped at Ontario Mills for lunch at Market Broiler and some crazy impulse shopping. All together, I think we bought like eight pairs of shoes and some other random shit! Damn, ballers (AKA broke asses after this weekend!). Meehchelle, Pammie and I rode with Gerald on the way home and played my favorite game… Would you rather…? Like… Would you rather be with someone who you’re in love with, but isn’t in love with you or with someone who’s in love with you, but you don’t love? That’s how it started… Then the questions took an unexpected turn into Filthy McNastyville! LOL. I know more about my friends than I ever wanted to after this weekend! Haha. I ♥ my friends to death. Meehchelle said that she’s going to write the Book of Mayan filled with random quotes by me. I admit that I say some pretty stupid things! I can be so dense at times. All my friends have accepted it. I think I’ve been spending too much time with Meehchelle because she was pulling Mayans all weekend! She needs to represent WTF with me and Trace! I’ll post pictures up from this weekend soon, so look out for that big, black cock in photos to come!
I’ve decided to name my new fish “Jelly” because of my obsession with Garden State. I considered naming him “Walter” because he looks like an old man with his crazy underbite, but I think that “Jelly” suits him. I think he’s really warming up to me. When I first got him, he was all hiding in the rocks and wouldn’t eat his Betta Bites until I left the kitchen (where he lives). Now whenever I go near him, he violently shakes his tiny fins until I feed his crazy ass. I guess he’s my fish. My dad’s scared to get attached to him since G-Funk bit the dust out of no where haha. So this weekend I’ll be in Big Bear SNOWBOARDING with the set! FUN TIMES! I can’t wait. Then next weekend I’m flying to CHICAGO to visit Pammie while she’s working there. I am SO scared of flying. I just keep thinking that I’m going to die in a horrible plane crash. That’s all. I don’t know how my sister flies back and forth every weekend. I would die. I’m excited because it might be snowing AND Mr. Kurt Halsey himself just so happens to be having an exhibit at Wag Artworks in Wicker Park in CHICAGO! So I get to see his beautiful paintings in person. I will probably cry from all the beauty. The weekend after that I’m taking a (LONG ASS) road trip to Texas with my girls and Edgar for Roxy’s wedding. The weekend after that I’ll be in Temecula for Roxy’s California reception. The weekend after that is Rhea’s debut that Chelface has been working so hard on. The weekend after that I’ll stop saying “the weekend after that.” Because there’s nothing going on the weekend after that.
Last weekend, I picked Pammie up from the airport and it took us TWO HOURS to get home… from the SAN DIEGO airport (which is like twenty minutes away from my house). It all started when my gas light went on. I drove to the gas station down the street from my house and saw that I had $2 in my pocket. That’s not even enough for ONE gallon of regular unleaded gas in San Diego… My sister offered to fill up my tank with her corporate credit card, so we had to find another gas station since Arco only takes debit cards. I drove down the street to another gas station. There were cars parked next to the pumps, so I assumed that the gas station was open (I mean, what gas station CLOSES?). I took off my gas cap and tried to take the nozzle off the pump holder when I noticed a padlock attached to it. I looked around and noticed that there were cars at the pumps but no one actually pumping gas into them. I asked myself, “Do I need to ask them for a key or something?” Some things sound good in my head and then I say it out loud and they don’t sound so good anymore. I drove off and took the loooong way to Rancho SD to get gas at Mobil. That’s when I noticed that I drove off without putting my gas cap back on at the other gas station. After getting gas, I drove back to the other gas station to see if my gas cap was still there. It wasn’t. I left it on the trunk of my car, so it really could have fallen off anywhere. I kept saying, “I can’t believe I did that!” but really… I could believe it. I’m such a geek. I always do shit like that! So I go back to Mobil because my sister worked there back in the day and said that people always left their gas caps so they always had extra caps at the station. She told me to tell them that I got gas there earlier that day (which I did), and left my gas cap there (which I didn’t) so that they would give me a gas cap. I’m a horrible liar. HORRIBLE. I’m convinced that the gas attendant knew I was lying. He offered me no gas caps. Now I have to BUY a gas cap at Autozone or something. I’m SUCH an idiot.