mayanrocks » 2006 » September
Le’sigh. C’est un temps difficile.
Thursday, September 7, 2006

It’s after midnight and I got off of work five hours ago, but right now I’m sitting alone in my house eating cold Taco Bell in my work uniform still. WTF mate. Clearly, there is seriously something wrong with this picture. These past few weeks have been shitty for me.. Actually, this whole summer has been pretty shitty. There are just so many changes in my life, not one of them good except for me going to SDSU now instead of bullshit community college (and even that has been disappointing). SDSU (so far) has been community college with a lot more walking and a more expensive parking permit (that I’ve somehow managed to misplace within the first two weeks of school). None of my classes or professors are the least bit interesting. I felt all excited at first. I was thinking that I could show the graduates of Monte Vista High that they, too, can transfer to a state school within six years of high school graduation. I feel so fucking old, because I don’t know any students who go to State, but I know FACULTY members (hey, ERROL!). Sad times. It’s okay, though. I’m sticking with it… Pammie, Chel and Shi are all planning to purchase their first homes by next year, and I need to catch up! There’s also the change in my love life (or lack thereof). For those of you who have been living underneath a rock, Edgar and I broke up like half a year ago. I felt like we weren’t moving forward. We were just at that point where you either part ways or get married… and we definitely weren’t going to do the latter. For some reason (it might be those seven years we were together), our breakup still feels fresh. I seriously thought I was fine, but some days I hear a song and I just lose it.. Then I think about how I’m listening to this song on my iPod with one ear phone while I’m driving because my radio broke ten months ago and Edgar was supposed to fix it and then that makes me even more sad. It’s just sad to think about our history, but it’s not like I want us to be back together. It’s just weird to picture him with someone other than me. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. It’s worse that he’s friends with all of my friends, so that totally disrupts my social life. I feel like I can’t be with my friends sometimes because he’s there with whomever he’s talking to at the time and it’s uncomfortable. I am now a firm believer that you should keep your significant other and your friends separate. I’m all about the clean break. It’s been six months and the break couldn’t have been any dirtier. I think I’m okay with being single… I mean it DOES have its moments (and by moments I mean moments of unbridled loneliness and depression), but it’s not like I didn’t go out all summer. I was at Landlord’s practically every Friday and JT’s every Wednesday and living it up with my best girl, Trace… but not once did I see anyone I was remotely interested in. JT’s has gotten too crazy for me, anyway. Mindz Alike’s newfound popularity among the fresh twenty-one crowd brought along annoying groupies and made JT’s encompass just about everything I despise about clubbing downtown on the weekends. I was quite content when it was just some little dive bar our small group of friends would go to on Wednesdays to spin while trying to stay warm near the outdoor patio heater last year. Those were the days! I stay away from the dollar drama now. I don’t expect to meet the love of my life in a bar, but it’d be nice to meet SOMEONE new. Sometimes a hot guy will come to my bank and after handling their transaction, I check their customer profile and they turn out to be married or years younger than me or Mormon or constantly overdrawn (LOSER!). I wouldn’t want to date anyone whose transaction history I have access to anyway (Hey, who did you take to Benihana’s?!? Oh, wait… That was the day you took me. Never mind… See how psychotic that would make me? SO uncool!).

So this past month I’ve been MIA. I’m sorry I haven’t been returning anyone’s phone calls (well, apologies to everyone except Jay because I never returned his phone calls in the first place. HAHA‚ô•), but I just need some time to myself to take charge of my life. Lately the same old shit has got me saying, “I’m too old for this shit.” Maybe I really am.

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