Since you’re having a bad day today, I’m going to arrange a pizza party with the Ninja Turtles, and you can invite anyone you want to (except for that heifer, April, of course). And all the pizzas will already have the cheese taken off for you, and I won’t even give you shit about it, even though I’ll never understand why you don’t like cheese on your pizza. And you’ll get to eat next to Michelangelo—not because he’s your favorite, but because he’s mine, and I’m willing to share. And before the night’s over, I’ll somehow initiate a dance sequence that involves Vanilla Ice.
Or… you can just give me the social security numbers of the bitches who ruined your day today, and I will ruin their lives for you. It’s your call.
SHI: we were gchatting for five minutes and then he told me he had just gotten out of the shower and was butt naked the whole time he was talking to me! ME: i mean, put some clothes on and then check your email! why was he gchatting naked? SHI: i don’t know, why do you curl your hair naked? ME: i hate you
Yesterday, Antonio invited us to JT’s for karaoke night.
#1 I’m not that kind of Asian and #2 I only go to JT’s for happy hour after (and sometimes during) a shitty day at work! We decided to go anyway, and I actually ended up having a pretty good time. But when I tried to close my tab, they couldn’t find my credit card. Instead, they found a receipt with my name on it and a signature that wasn’t mine! The bartender apologized for giving someone else my card and gave me two free drink tokens for the mishap. Yeah, just because I occasionally drink my lunch there doesn’t mean that two free drink tokens makes up for losing my card… especially since the person they gave my card to used it to pay for their food at Taco Fiesta afterward! FML.
I knew it was a bad omen when we saw that trashy girl at the bar with the dead black front tooth!
Going to Superbrows and letting someone besides Rosie thread your eyebrows is like going to to Viva Brazil and letting someone other than Linda wax your vagina—it’s social suicide!
Rosie is on vacation for two weeks, so I opted to get waxed at my old stomping ground, Vivid Nails. Tiffany wasn’t available, so I let some random woman wax my eyebrows. What was I thinking? She made them crazy thin, didn’t shape them, left a bunch of strays, and the worst part… she kept blowing on my face when she had clearly eaten KFC right before she waxed me. I had to hold my breath the entire time! And now I have to fill in my eyebrows till they start growing back. Boo whore.
It was pretty much the worst decision I’ve made all year. And I’ve made a number of bad decisions this year, so that’s saying a lot.
After the Bon Iver show last night, Jessie and I met up with Shi, Christine and Antonio at The Local and drank away our sorrows till last call. And then we ate our feelings at Lucha Libre. And then we went home alone and cried ourselves to sleep.
I won’t be able to make it, but there’s a “Party in Pink” zumbathon this weekend that benefits Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Research! Details here if you want to join the party. Dancer’s body optional.
Jessie was able to score us free tickets to SD Beer Fest last night! Shi was the least drunk, but managed to spill the most beer. And had a hard time remembering anything this morning. So… pretty much a regular day for her. Ha.
It probably wasn’t the best idea to drive on gas fumes yesterday. Or offer to give my stranded coworker a ride home when we got off early. Or blast my air conditioning while sitting in traffic for 45 minutes because all the lights were out.
During The Great Blackout of 2011, I was stuck at Anthony’s house with an empty gas tank thinking, This is who I’m spending the end of the world with??? Ha.
Things I learned during the blackout:
Don’t wait till your gas light turns on to fill up
Anthony washes his face with Aveeno Skin Brightening Daily Scrub
All you need in an emergency situation is a bottle of wine, a gas grill, and a friend who knows how to cook