RUXIN: Because of that HR asshole, I have no computer access to league activities. So I’m using my old personal email address— KEVIN: email@example.com? RUXIN: No. PETE: firstname.lastname@example.org? RUXIN: If you must know, it’s email@example.com. PETE: I can’t tell what’s funnier—is it that you chose “the ruxtor,” or is it that you have an actual Hotmail account, the official email for foreigners and poor people?
Sure, I used to be YummyMAYANaze@hotmail.com. And maybe on AIM, too. And okay, before that I was GUMMYI3EAR@aol.com (yes, that “B” consists of a lowercase “i” and the number 3). I’m obvi still yummy and I still like gummybears, but you don’t see me bragging about it on my GeoCities website!
I was doing everything short of bending time and space to get these damn flans out of my supposedly nonstick brioche pans when my aunt turned to me and said, “It’s so hard being Martha Stewart, isn’t it?”
Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.
If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.
Jesse: so im going to the home depot parking lot in 15 minutes to buy nye tickets from dude off craigslist
me:i hope you have your gat strapped
Jesse: if im not back in 30 minutes, call the police cuz ive likely been stabbed and robbed
me: can i have your white elephant gift if you don’t come back?
I was sitting in Grantville Park on my lunch break with my rolled tacos in one hand and my iPhone in the other wondering how the hell I was supposed to eat my Taco Fiesta AND watch episodes of Happy Endings at the same time (and in case you were wondering… yes, my wallet’s too small for my fifties and yes, my diamond shoes are too tight).
My friends and I are doing another Elfster gift exchange this year, so I’ve added an iPhone Moviepeg to my wishlist. The list is really more of a loose guideline. Like if you were to get me a KitchenAid Stand Mixer in Imperial Black even though I clearly wished for Onyx Black, I would still accept it.
DAVE: You’re really going with the coupon books that no one wants again this year? ALEX: People love my coupon books! DAVE: Nibble your name into a cobb of corn? Who wants that? ALEX: You know you want it. Pick a font, baby. Don’t be shy. DAVE: I do not want that in Helvetica.
Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant.
But it’s very important that you do it.
I tend to agree with the first part.
Don’t postpone what you want.
Don’t leave anything misunderstood.
Make sure the people you care about know.
Make sure they know how you really feel.
Because just like that… it could end.
As someone who relies on a Magic 8 Ball app to make my life decisions, it’s no surprise that I’m all about this wishful thinking crap.
And so today at 11:11, instead of wishing my usual wish that I won’t mention (partly because it won’t come true if I do, but mostly because it’s frowned upon), I wished for the speedy recovery of my best friend’s dad who suffered a heart attack and had quadruple bypass surgery yesterday. And for a miracle to happen for my mom’s sister who is back in the hospital and losing her battle with lung cancer.