mayanrocks » 2012 » April
STD.
Sunday, April 29, 2012

vintage wedding save the date tracee lorenzana gary wyer

I designed this simple save the date for my dear friend Trace and her fiancé Gary ♥

More from my design portfolio here.

Creep.
Sunday, April 29, 2012

Dat F sharp.

Cookie Dough Brownies.
Friday, April 27, 2012

cookie dough brownies

I baked these cookie dough brownies for my boss’ baby shower at work today. I don’t plan on eating any of them, but I’m sure I gained 3 pounds just thinking about it.

Also, I’m skipping the gym tonight. This has nothing and everything to do with brownies, but I mostly just wanted to get that off my chest.

Sandwiches and Sex.
Friday, April 27, 2012
new girl sandwiches and sex new girl sandwiches and sex

Sandwiches and sex? I want that.

Nick Miller is my soulmate.

Fingers Crossed.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Is it just me, or does everyone else’s room get a little dusty whenever they watch google chrome commercials?

No Excuses.
Monday, April 23, 2012

a one hour workout is 4% of your day - no excuses

Considering I just spent 100% of my weekend being a fatass, spending 4% of my day at the gym was a small price to pay! Now excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep out of hunger. I didn’t get my ass handed to me during kickboxing for nothing!

modern family cam crying gif

Sports Fish.
Sunday, April 22, 2012

A man fishes for two reasons: he’s either sport fishing or fishing to eat, which means he’s either going to try to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he’s going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up, and put it on his plate. This, I think, is a great analogy for how men seek out women. It’s not the guy who determines whether you’re a sports fish or a keeper—it’s you. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you, or move on to the next woman to do a little more sport fishing.

– Steve Harvey, Think Like a Man

Mr. Hightower speaks an insane amount of truth.

I have found my new spiritual leader. Teach me your ways, oh wise one.

The Rocket.
Saturday, April 21, 2012

rocket dual beer bong

My ex invited me to his birthday party next weekend where he plans to resurrect the infamous rocket. I’m pretty sure I left my beer bonging days where I left my ex-boyfriend… in 2005 where they belong!

Outdoorsy.
Friday, April 20, 2012

someecard - i'm outdoorsy in that i like getting drunk on patios

The Dear Hunter – Home

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I was listening to FM 94/9 broadcast live from Coachella on the drive home from work today when I heard The Dear Hunter for the first time and thought… why am I not at Coachella again???

I think it’s partly because I thought Outside Lands would have a similar lineup, but mostly because I don’t like camping outdoors and not showering for three days.

Hotel next year, anyone?

Bloop.
Friday, April 20, 2012

nene real housewives of atlanta

9:15 AM me: she was talking about real housewives
  and she was like
  if nene would just stop talking for one second
9:16 AM Jesse: wait a second
how do you know who that is and how you spell that name
  me: um, i think i read it somewhere on the interwebs or something
sometime………….
9:17 AM Jesse: you should be ashamed
Distance.
Thursday, April 19, 2012

I’ve eased up on the concerts lately to save money for that trip to Outside Lands! Now that I’m not going anymore, I regret not buying tickets to see Jason Mraz & Christina Perri. They still have tickets available, but none of them are in the pit!

There are two things you should know about me:

  1. I don’t do nosebleeds.
  2. I always find a way to score awesome seats. Even if I have to sleep outside a Ritmo Latino to get them. Just kidding. I haven’t done that since I was 17.

Christina Perri – Distance (feat. Jason Mraz)

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How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waiting…

Outside Lands 2012.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012

outsidelands 2012

Um, WTF Outside Lands? After Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza and Coachella announced similar (amazing!) lineups, I was sure you would follow suit. But Stevie Wonder? Neil Young? Okay so maybe I wouldn’t mind seeing the Foo Fighters. Or Santigold. Or Franz Ferdinand. But not for $165 plus hotel and airfare to SF. Never have twelve syllables hurt me so much to say, but NOT EVEN YOUNG THE GIANT COULD SAVE THIS LINEUP! I should have went to Coachella. At least I would have seen Radiohead. And Tupac’s hologram. Boo whore.

In other news, Incubus and Linkin Park are touring together, and their last show is here in SD! My 19-year-old self is punching the air in excitement.

Spicy Shrimp Fried Rice.
Saturday, April 14, 2012

skinny spicy shrimp fried brown rice

Today, I got off Pinterest long enough to actually make this Spicy Shrimp Fried Rice recipe that I pinned, and I managed to do it without burning the house down!

I don’t even know who I am right now.

Happy Hours.
Saturday, April 14, 2012

drunk text

Last night’s happy hour turned into eight hours of sangria swirl margaritas at La Puerta, sake snow cones at Gaijin, beers at Blind Lady Ale House, and vodka at The Ould Sod.

I def won’t be drinking tonight… or maybe ever again.

Unacceptable.
Friday, April 13, 2012

someecard publicly unacceptable work

…although it’s questionable how publicly acceptable I look when I’m not at home!

Apparently, while I’m at work gchatting with my friends (which is frequently—unless my boss is reading this, in which case it’s occasionally and only on nights and weekends), they’re at home wearing mascara while I’m out in public without a stitch of makeup on.

God forbid I run into the love of my life at Starbucks while wearing my yoga pants that, if we’re being honest, have never been worn to yoga.

Dumped.
Thursday, April 12, 2012

adam levine hot tattoos

Adam Levine’s supermodel girlfriend dumped him and his delicious beard ten days ago, and I’m just finding out about it now???

Clearly, I’m following the wrong people on Twitter.

DRTY MXN.
Thursday, April 12, 2012

dirty mexican license plate

I may or may not have followed this guy home after work today.

Open Flame.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012

we're all drawn to the warmth of a true connection, but don't stand too close to an open flame; someone will surely get burned. - revenge

Mediocre.
Sunday, April 8, 2012

Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them.

The Wrong Place.
Sunday, April 8, 2012

Via Slowly, But Shirley:

the office stress relief pam

He said that you told him how much you love me.

About how you feel when I walk in a room.

About how you’ve never doubted for a second that I’m the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.

And I guess he had never felt that way with my mom, even at their best.

There’s usually a scene in all my favorite shows that never fails to get me all choked up… like this scene from The Office where they explain how Jim’s feelings about Pam is what caused Pam’s dad to decide to leave her mom. Sometimes getting a taste of how things should be makes you realize you’re in the wrong place…

Resurrection Sunday.
Sunday, April 8, 2012

I wanted to have red puffy paint blood dripping from the easter eggs, but I thought the bloody zombie bunny was morbid enough for my favorite 8-year-old. Maybe next year.

zombie easter basket

Christ promised a resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something different in mind.

– Hershel, The Walking Dead
Sad trail.
Sunday, April 8, 2012

someecard we are so hilarious

Quote of the night:

Nobody needs to see your belly button trail, happy or sad!

I finally had dinner with my favorite b’s last night! It’s so hard to get everyone together when we’re all so busy planning imaginary weddings on pinterest taking care of babies, studying for CPA exams, training for marathons, playing soccer, and testing “social experiments” ;) Some of us don’t even have time to shower! LOL!

Good Friday.
Saturday, April 7, 2012

brunch the mission - french bulldog

I usually try to go hard on my days off, but I just ended up going to the DMV, having brunch at The Mission, playing with my favorite frenchie, and calling it a night at 9:30. What has my life come to?

Promise.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012

happy endings dave and penny

DAVE: You might not meet not somebody tonight, but you will meet someone.
PENNY: You promise?
DAVE: Yes… as long as you promise to stop slobbering all over the champagne.
PENNY: I can’t promise that.

Titanic.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012

thaitanic

2:28 PM Jenni: we need someone to reenact the titanic pose for our facebook contest but no one wants to!
  why dont you and jesse do it? :)
2:30 PM me: absolutely not
Spirit Animal.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012

fat cat rolling on back

12:23 PM Jesse: one of my cats at home will eat until it throws up
  me: your cat is my spirit animal
Summer.
Monday, April 2, 2012

bluntcard beer a bitch

This pretty much sums up my summer plans.

Boyfriend.
Monday, April 2, 2012
2:18 PM me: tell me why i love that bf song
  dammit biebs
  you got me
2:20 PM Pamela: he sounds exactly like JT
  me: i mean whyyyy is it not on spotify
  i have to listen to it on youtube like a savage

Justin Bieber – Boyfriend

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April Fool’s.
Sunday, April 1, 2012

someecard april fool's pregnant

Half of my facebook friends announced their pregnancies today.

Way to steal my thunder, bitches.

Wedding Season.
Sunday, April 1, 2012

idntfd edgar sarmiento tweet

Why else would I be working out on a Sunday morning?

I’m so happy that all my friends are getting married this year, I’m not even jealous. Except for at night when I’m in my closet eating ice cream alone.

emma stone crying ice cream

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