Since Pammie went back up to the OC, there’s no one here to shout, “Eye on the prize, Mayan! Eye on the prize!” and keep me focused on packing up my apartment. Shi came over to help me pack, but we ended up going out for pho and watching Sex and the City: The Movie on HBO for the eleventh time instead. I’ve decided to further postpone my packing and fit one final blog in from Parkway Drive.

I’ve been living alone for a year now, and these are the things I’ve learned:

1. Dishes don’t clean themselves.
2. Neither do toilets.
3. I hate living above the pool.
4. I love living above the laundry room.
5. Only shop at Costco for non-perishables. Toilet paper. Bottled water. Red Vines. Even if you think you can eat twelve apples before they spoil, you can’t.
6. Having no air conditioning in the summer will make you want to punch a baby.
7. The library has free air conditioning. And free wi-fi.
8. Sheer white curtains in the bedroom are no bueno if you like sleeping past sunrise.
9. It’s possible to kill a cactus.
10. You can lose a boyfriend, an eye, and/or five hours of your life over the assembly of Ikea furniture.
11. I love having my friends over.
12. I hate cleaning up after them.
13. I love walking around in my chones after all my friends have gone home.
14. Two boxes of cotton swabs will last you an entire year. Spend the few extra dollars for Q-tips®. Your ears will thank you.
15. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your $20 salon shampoo for HBO and Cinemax.
16. Premium cable, phone and internet costs me $150 a month. Don’t take it for granted if you’re getting it for free at your mom’s house.
17. Don’t get shanghai’d into getting a newspaper subscription, even if it’s for your local little league. You will end up having to dispose of 84 unopened newspapers hiding in your linen closet when it’s time to move out.
18. Spending a few hundred dollars on luxury bedding is totally worth it.
19. Just because you live alone and can have strange men over at all hours of the night doesn’t mean you should.
20. I still lock the bathroom door behind me when I shower, even if I’m alone.
21. I watch too much Criminal Minds and CSI by myself.
22. Don’t regret never making friends with your shirtless neighbor who’s always grilling steaks by the pool. I know I do.
23. Spare keys to your apartment should be given out sparingly.
24. I hate packing and moving more than I hate my ex. And that’s saying something.
25. Save a little money from each paycheck. That way, if your boss unexpectedly gives you the week after Christmas off unpaid, you won’t be forced to pack up your overpriced apartment and move your things into storage while you look for a cheaper place to live—Not that I would know anything about that.