NOTE TO SELF: Check the oven for empty pizza boxes before pre-heating it if you don’t want second degree burns. Or worse.
I was slicing up an avocado when I noticed smoke coming out of my oven. I opened it and saw that I left an empty pizza box in there like an asshole, and that shit was on fire! Instead of putting it out in the kitchen, I took the box out of the oven with my bare hands and ran across my apartment to the balcony. All the while, bits of flaming pizza box kept falling off along the way and lighting everything I hold dear to my heart on fire. My Anthropologie duvet. My area rug that I had just made an appointment to get cleaned. MY FUCKING HAND. I can live with a second degree burn, but they don’t sell that duvet at Anthropologie anymore, you guys!
It really is amazing I’ve made it this far.